We’ve officially made it to month 8 of a global pandemic that no one saw coming, in a year that was supposed to be an epic kickoff to a fabulous decade. The irony is, it has been pretty epic…but for all the wrong reasons.

Instead of writing a depressing post dedicated to the sorrows of living in a time where we can’t hug our loved ones or endure breathing in the remnants of our daily meals through a mask— I’m going to write about what’s keeping me sane as a single person in isolation.

And a quick note: Because of the nature of what I do in tech, I can’t make any app recommendations to you all. But what I can do is encourage you to comb your respective app stores to find the best apps that work for what you need.

Spiritual

I know attending a place of worship has been a huge issue for many people of faith. I won’t say -as a Christian- I’m not struggling with it myself but I figured in this age of tech, God would be chill with me being safe, healthy, and getting my spiritual on in the confines of my home.

So I pray regularly and meditate. I use apps to keep me connected and occasionally, when my attention span is A-1, I even manage to attend good ole Bedside Baptist. The thing I’ve always understood is while I love the fellowship and sense of community, I have to get flexible with how it is I nurture that part of myself during these times.

Physical

Alright, so here is where I SUPER struggle. I love sleeping and just hanging. When I’m home, my body goes to either work or chill mode…But here we are. I had to do like everyone else and turn my living room into my gym. Since breathing in smoke from massive wild fires isn’t really an option for me- I turn on my Apple Tv, lay out my yoga mat, and work out between 30 minutes to an hour. I also try to drink at least three 26oz bottles of water starting when I wake up. I’ve also been taking vitamins from HUM (use my code: 1E6108 because it’s the right thing to do) and they’ve been pretty amazing. I take several daily and it helps with my energy and immune system.

Mental

And of course I can’t leave out mental health. I go to therapy regularly for hour sessions at least once a month. I try to stay off social media unless I’m sharing thoughts or my random commentary on whatever is happening out there, but other than that, surfing is DANGEROUS. Keep that part short, emote as much as you want and then take a break. I also limit my news intake as well. I watch for morning highlights and that’s a wrap unless there’s absolutely nothing else better to do with my life. Ok, and here’s something funny about me…I’m kinda an introvert. I know that’s weird but I’ve always been a little shy and awkward. And I don’t like talking to a lot of people when I retreat into my personal space…HOWEVER, I’ve gotten so much better about reaching out and FaceTiming my family and friends. I’ve made it a personal goal to at least talk to at least 3 people outside of work, a week (so that I’m not talking to my dog- that could get weird.). Then I try to call it a night by 10:30p so I can wake up and take on the world at…7a. Not really early but early enough for me, I’m not a 4am kinda chick. Speaking of getting to sleep. I work a lot, so maintaining work-life balance is highly important to me. If someone works my nerves at work. I leave it right there at 6pm or whenever I shut it down. I’m not stressing myself out over foolishness and I don’t want extra gray hair. Ok, ok- the last and most obvious thing I like to do to take care of my mental is :drumroll please: writing! I try to write as much as I can to release my thoughts.

Other ways to treat yo-self

Now of course there’s so much more to do to unwind like retail therapy, a nice dinner with a glass (or three) of wine, movie marathons, reading a book while listening to your fave album, cooking a nice meal, or taking a cuddle break with you lovable pup pal. However you decide to take care of yourself, the idea is it shouldn’t add more stress to your life. It should make you feel more relaxed and less overwhelmed.

So you’ve heard some of my self-care hacks for keeping sane during these crazy times. My self-care routines and tips are specific to my needs because true self-care varies for us all. I would love to hear yours! Tell me what your self-care go-to’s are during quarantine. <3

-D. Wright

It’s that lovely time of year when I either freak out on getting older and assess everything I did or didn’t accomplish over the last year orrrrrrrr sit in a space of immense gratitude for just being alive, living the amazing life I have. This year I choose gratitude. And I’m gonna do my best to keep this feeling with me for the rest of my life.

I’ll try to keep this short (but y’all know me LOL). Today, I’m dirty-THURTY-six. YES honey…36, and when I tell y’all I’m grown a grown freaggin woman, I mean every bit of it! The crazy thing is how much I love being in my 30s and having the freedom of mind and spirit that I’ve gained over the last 6 years of my life.

I didn’t always have that appreciation. When I turned 30, I had a literal nervous break down- remind me to tell y’all about that mess another day. Everything was happening all at once, and I felt like my life was falling a part. Music wasn’t where I wanted it to be, my finances, my love life, my lil heart was just going through it…but my faith and my family, and wonderful friends lifted me up and rallied for me at a dark time I never saw ending. So today, I’m saying cheers to my-effin’-self for being a strong, big-hearted, talented, crazy, fun woman in a time when age isn’t celebrated and the wisdom that comes with it isn’t always appreciated. I’m so glad to be here, just where I am.

Now here it is…everyone always starts asking these crazy questions. I don’t have a secret husband or kids, and maybe one day that will all come to me but I do have an adorable little dog I adore, the most loyal family who loves me, beautiful friends who never falter, an amazing job that allows me to do creative and impactful work that affects lives all the world and me. I have me. And I will live every day of my life reminding myself that internal/external ageism, negative self-talk, doubt, fear, and toxicity no longer serve me or have a place in my life.

I’m letting it burn and today -as far as I’m concerned- is my new year celebration. I’m breaking down walls and it’s scary to share with you all but I have to. I have to be myself. I can’t hide anymore.

So tell me— have you ever weighed yourself down with things that just make no real sense? If you have, what are you willing to finally let go? It’s time friends. It’s time. Cheers to us. <3

-D.Wright

Today I had a good cry.

The truth is I don’t feel safe or protected as a Black person, or woman.

Every day of my life I’m aware of my perceived inferior birthright. And each year, it pierces me a little bit deeper. I become more sensitive to it and it painfully eats away at my heart. Being Black and female is one of the highest taxes to pay in this country. Out the womb, I couldn’t hide…we can’t hide. When I became conscious of who I was, I almost immediately knew I was doomed to deal with a lifetime of B.S. I absolutely couldn’t help because of how others naturally perceived me.

Truthfully, I feel disposable. Now here is the crazy part…I know I’m strong, and powerful, smart, resilient, gifted and yet here I sit with broken self-esteem that only improves when I accomplish a thing. How many of us feel like we have to accomplish a thing just to be worthy? My therapist swears this is the recipe for a disastrous burnout and I agree. But the pressure is on because in the back of my mind I know that I, We, Black women are expendable in this society and we have to act to belong. We have to do things to be valued. We have to prove ourselves to be deemed worthy. I’ve heard this sentiment expressed in variety of ways from many women, I just never realized what it was. We’re stepping stones to our men, the unhealthy crutches for our families, the overworked and under-appreciated-slash-paid at our jobs. Fetishized, over-sexualized, and drained of our sensuality and joy until we have nothing left to give. Then we’re passed on when we’ve given…everything. We’re left feeling useless and wondering “why.” So I cried for us today.

I cried, because I wish people knew just how awesome we were. I wish we didn’t have to fight to be thought of as more than 3/5’s of a human, or smart, capable, and not just some aggressive Black b**tches or “whores” that are ran through and emptied. I cried because Black women are phenomenal even through brokenness and the only folks that cry for us, are…us.

The media has repeatedly perpetuated the stereotype of us with trash behavior, gold digging tendencies, and as people who hate and fight one another but I haven’t experienced it in my life that way. I do acknowledge that negativity exists and stereotypes stem from real places, however there are so many of us who lift one another up. The people I feel who most love and protect me are Black women. We are our “for better, or for worse.”

And I cried because the Black women I know are dynamic and beautiful. We are not perfect and we have shortcomings just as everyone else, but we are forgotten. Who is the ally to a Black woman in America? Who invests back into us? Who doesn’t take from us emotionally, physically, or culturally without giving back? Who comes back to say “thank you” for what we’ve contributed, for the leadership we’ve provided, and for the life we breathe into this world? Who celebrates Queens? Other Queens.

My therapist told me I was grieving today. I didn’t even know my emotional shutdown was to protect me from how I truly feel…alone, unless surrounded by the love of Black women. Again I say, we are our for better or for worse—we are each other’s keepers.

Forget the Will and Jada drama. Breonna Taylor deserves better. Black women deserve better. Underrepresented people deserve better. And if you are a Black woman reading this- know that you are loved, you are appreciated, and you are everything.

With Love,

Your sister, cousin, friend <3

-D.Wright

It’s March 2020, and just wow.

There has been so much tragedy and terrible stuff in our world– between Kobe and Gianna’s deaths, the president (and his entire being), America’s pending elections/the political climate, wildfires, and now Coronavirus. Our lives feel like something made for a disaster movie, and many of us are trying not to be overwhelmed with sadness, anxiety, or depression.

I haven’t known what to really say over the past couple months, but I wanted to acknowledge the state of the times before transitioning into the other topics I had in mind. When I started this blog I wanted it to be a place where you could come and experience the different facets of my personality as well as learn a little bit about the world I see. Since the world I see is a bit in shambles, I had to check myself and regroup on my perspective.

I’ll start with

My heart goes out to everyone going through it right now.

Award shows, sporting events, and TikTok challenges are cool and all but we’re all out here going through the real deal. We’re coping with some pretty tragic public and personal events–and while I know everything will be ok eventually, it doesn’t feel like it will get better any time soon. I’m working on accepting our new reality, leaning on my faith, and embracing that we truly need each other now– more than ever.

Don’t forget

A word to the wise…don’t forget to take care of you. Unplug from this madness every once in a while. I know I’ve been working so hard check my attitude in the online comment sections because sometimes I just want to to go full fledged Wreck It Ralph, but I know it doesn’t solve anything. Being an angry Smurf only adds to the crazy, so your girl has to simply disconnect from the swirl and reconnect to what matters…and that’s this here spirit.

Happiness is

Remember that happiness is forever in a state of flux, but we can all attain it. What I’m working at in my life is having authentic joy and peace. Understand, it’s definitely a challenge…the road to happy is NOT easy but I want to live a life that I know I’ve enjoyed through all of the ups and downs. I don’t want my lows to take me out the game and I don’t want my highs to ever make me forget what I’ve been through.

Right now, we’re going though a weird low and I know I refuse to personally wallow in it for long. I’m finding things that lift my spirits like writing more, tipsy Neflix time with my pup, and Dj D Nice Club Quarantine dance parties. And I’ve got so many cool stories to share too, but for now I just want to feel how I feel–weird and unsettled. I can’t pretend to be completely celebratory when the reality happening around us seems so merciless.

Anywho…Hope you all are well and I’ll drop some goodies soon. <3

-D.Wright

Wow…We’ve officially exited the 2010s and have entered an entirely new decade! Let me tell y’all– it feels so good to be an adult, thriving, and ready to conquer the rest of my real-adult life. It only took ten tumultuous years to figure it out, but you know what…I’m out of the fog and not planning on making the same mistakes thrice.

So what happened?

In the early 2010s I pretty much quit doing music, formally. I never stopped writing or creating work but let’s just say the whys are complicated and a tad messy. Eventually I waded through trying to figure out how to launch my career but I just didn’t have the heart or perseverance to truly make it happen. I gave up, but this is also the time I started working in a certain store (basically for medical insurance and a steady check) and that decision would ultimately change my life. Oh yeah, I got my first new car and said #byebye91camaro.

In the mid-2010s love started to take me out…and I started going to therapy. Ok love isn’t solely why I went to therapy but there was a lot going on in all areas of my life. It wore my entire existence down and I don’t even know how to completely dive in on this one without getting too deep, maybe I will one day, but I changed (not in the best way either). I was unsure of myself and honestly didn’t know what I wanted out of love, life, or anyone for that matter. I was afraid to ask for anything I felt I deserved. Love (or the thought I had of love) literally beat me down into submission. It wasn’t all sad though, the best parts of the mid-2010s were embracing my natural curls, taking my first trip to Europe, hitting 30, and basically learning some really solid lessons on relationships in romance, family, business…well shoot, in general.

In the late 2010s I became Grown-AF and pretty much said “eff it, take a chance on yourself girl“. You can call this my breaking out phase. This is when things began to get clear. I moved to California after a lifetime in Texas, took a new job as a professional writer (thus the move to Cali), committed to lead a really cool ERG (employee resource group) within my company, started traveling more, got the most adorable puppy on Earth, finally discovered myself, and realized– I liked me.

So what next?

Basically I learned the lessons and sewed, now I figure I’d dedicate the next 10 years to taking action and reaping the harvest. Might as well change it up right? So here’s what I think I’ll be working through…and you can all count yourselves as my accountability buddies to help me make it through this new exciting time in our lives.

1. Getting more creative and sharing my work.

Though I thought the 2010s would be the quick start and end of my musical aspirations, I realized who I was and why I did music in the first place. I can’t stop creating. It literally makes me sick not to do what I love so I’m going to give it a go in The Bay. I’m going to continue to create because it’s in my nature and if I decide I want to make a living off of it, I’ll do what it takes to make it happen. I’m also going to keep writing on my blog (I promise) and launch my podcast because I feel like I have some solid insight to offer to the world. It’s time.

2. Getting more intentional about love.

I am going to better guard my heart and not take the people who I love/love me for granted. I’m a hopeless romantic and a super sensitive soul– I pretty much wear my heart on my skin. I’ve also tragically lost a handful of people in my life and I know that I’m not exempt from mortality so I’m going to choose to do better about giving myself more to the folks I love. I’m going to love like my life depends on it and also make sure to honor what I desire romantically. I love love and I won’t be a cheeseball about it any more. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, so loving unashamedly is definitely on my to-do list.

3. Letting the sky be my only limit.

I will go and do whatever I dream to do. I know I can. I’ve lied to myself and said that I couldn’t before but that was out of fear, and I won’t punish myself with the restrictions of reality or my own self-made limitations. If it happens, awesome…and if doors close or windows shut, I’ll find new entries to make it to outer space.

Do note that these are my Big 3. I definitely have some other goals in mind like eating better/cooking more, working harder on my spirituality, traveling, and all that jazz but these were the most neglected so I’ve got to fix them stat. Anywho, what about you…What are your goals this year? What do you want to harvest? And oh yeah, Happy New Year friends! <3

2019

-D.Wright