We’ve officially made it to month 8 of a global pandemic that no one saw coming, in a year that was supposed to be an epic kickoff to a fabulous decade. The irony is, it has been pretty epic…but for all the wrong reasons.

Instead of writing a depressing post dedicated to the sorrows of living in a time where we can’t hug our loved ones or endure breathing in the remnants of our daily meals through a mask— I’m going to write about what’s keeping me sane as a single person in isolation.

And a quick note: Because of the nature of what I do in tech, I can’t make any app recommendations to you all. But what I can do is encourage you to comb your respective app stores to find the best apps that work for what you need.

Spiritual

I know attending a place of worship has been a huge issue for many people of faith. I won’t say -as a Christian- I’m not struggling with it myself but I figured in this age of tech, God would be chill with me being safe, healthy, and getting my spiritual on in the confines of my home.

So I pray regularly and meditate. I use apps to keep me connected and occasionally, when my attention span is A-1, I even manage to attend good ole Bedside Baptist. The thing I’ve always understood is while I love the fellowship and sense of community, I have to get flexible with how it is I nurture that part of myself during these times.

Physical

Alright, so here is where I SUPER struggle. I love sleeping and just hanging. When I’m home, my body goes to either work or chill mode…But here we are. I had to do like everyone else and turn my living room into my gym. Since breathing in smoke from massive wild fires isn’t really an option for me- I turn on my Apple Tv, lay out my yoga mat, and work out between 30 minutes to an hour. I also try to drink at least three 26oz bottles of water starting when I wake up. I’ve also been taking vitamins from HUM (use my code: 1E6108 because it’s the right thing to do) and they’ve been pretty amazing. I take several daily and it helps with my energy and immune system.

Mental

And of course I can’t leave out mental health. I go to therapy regularly for hour sessions at least once a month. I try to stay off social media unless I’m sharing thoughts or my random commentary on whatever is happening out there, but other than that, surfing is DANGEROUS. Keep that part short, emote as much as you want and then take a break. I also limit my news intake as well. I watch for morning highlights and that’s a wrap unless there’s absolutely nothing else better to do with my life. Ok, and here’s something funny about me…I’m kinda an introvert. I know that’s weird but I’ve always been a little shy and awkward. And I don’t like talking to a lot of people when I retreat into my personal space…HOWEVER, I’ve gotten so much better about reaching out and FaceTiming my family and friends. I’ve made it a personal goal to at least talk to at least 3 people outside of work, a week (so that I’m not talking to my dog- that could get weird.). Then I try to call it a night by 10:30p so I can wake up and take on the world at…7a. Not really early but early enough for me, I’m not a 4am kinda chick. Speaking of getting to sleep. I work a lot, so maintaining work-life balance is highly important to me. If someone works my nerves at work. I leave it right there at 6pm or whenever I shut it down. I’m not stressing myself out over foolishness and I don’t want extra gray hair. Ok, ok- the last and most obvious thing I like to do to take care of my mental is :drumroll please: writing! I try to write as much as I can to release my thoughts.

Other ways to treat yo-self

Now of course there’s so much more to do to unwind like retail therapy, a nice dinner with a glass (or three) of wine, movie marathons, reading a book while listening to your fave album, cooking a nice meal, or taking a cuddle break with you lovable pup pal. However you decide to take care of yourself, the idea is it shouldn’t add more stress to your life. It should make you feel more relaxed and less overwhelmed.

So you’ve heard some of my self-care hacks for keeping sane during these crazy times. My self-care routines and tips are specific to my needs because true self-care varies for us all. I would love to hear yours! Tell me what your self-care go-to’s are during quarantine. <3

-D. Wright

Prepare yourselves…this is going to be a real one.

The C-Word

Let’s talk about control. Control is a false idol. It’s something we’re forever chasing and (funny enough) not able to completely relish in because it’s hard to maintain. It’s our means of exerting power to sway the outcomes of events, or matters, surrounding our lives. We fuss and toil over details that have no real significance other than to scratch the itch. We overanalyze our abilities and scrutinize our works and when that isn’t enough – we extend the courtesy to others.

You might be wondering how it is that I became such the subject matter expert. I’ll be honest, I don’t know the when or the how…I just know I am. I’m ready to release that control and exchange it for something a little bit better – authorship.

The Meltdown

Many of you know I’m a huge fan of therapy and this story started with a little trip to my friendly therapist, Dr. Kay. There was definitely a meltdown involved. I’m not ashamed to say it. I was not coping well emotionally and was not afraid to let her know. That poor lady…she has a lot on her hands. I came in with unresolved issues all from different areas of my life that I absolutely felt I had no control over. It was maddening. I was flailing down a rabbit hole. And after plenty of tears and irrational ranting, she gave it to me.

[su_quote cite=”You can’t control everything, no one can, but you can be the author of your life. You have to be the author of your own life.”][/su_quote]

The Resolve

I’m sitting there, glassy eyed and it hits me. I can’t control anyone else’s narrative but my own. I’ve always heard, “You can’t control what you can’t control” and it finally sunk in. I can’t control how others respond to me, or what other people think or feel about anything. What I can control is what I think of myself, what opportunities I create for myself, and what I contribute to the world. I had to ask myself, “What do I want to contribute to the world, and how can you plan to make that dream a reality?” I mean, Dr. Kay definitely posed a lot of wonderful questions for me to consider what exactly it was that I wanted to create for myself.

The Challenge

Now I’m challenging you, as much as I’m challenging myself, to think on what it is that you can create and contribute for yourself. What are the things you can reasonably control in your life? What can you let go of? I sadly used to think that my success rested on the chance of someone discovering me and my talents. That’s something I absolutely can not control or depend on, but what I can control is discovering myself and proudly creating a path that makes sense for me.

So will you join me in becoming the author of your own life? It’s high time we create and promote some beautifully unique stories to share with the world. <3

-D.Wright

If you haven’t noticed, I’m Black…and Black people still tend to deal with the stigma of mental health within its community.

Now this isn’t a blog of statistics. They’re helpful, sure, but pretty boring. Just know Black folks seeing therapists today is most likely at a pretty low number. You can factor in all kinds of cultural, societal, and socio-economic influences into the long list of whys but I decided to go ahead and step outside the box. I’ve happily been in therapy for about a month now and I will probably continue for the rest of my life.

I actually told my mom I saw a therapist after the first session. It was pretty funny. Let’s just say, there was a long “oooooookkkkkkk,” followed by an awkward pause and a buttload of questions. My dad, a jokester, had a slew of pretty hilarious zingers. I’ll spare you so you don’t think he’s a terrible person, but we had a good chat about it. Overall, they were both supportive of my reasons for going and wished me the best in the answers I was searching for.

I can’t tell you why I opted to see a therapist at this point in my life. I feel like things are going a lot smoother than they were about two Summers ago. It was pretty crazy, to say the least. My sister had to look for me and she (along with my best friend) actually staged a full fledged intervention when I came back into the world. Even before that big meltdown, I probably should have seen a therapist but I was too lazy to search for someone I felt I could trust with my heart and not to mention, a little intimidated. Here’s a secret, I’m a big ol’ emotional, scaredy cat. So I privately sulked. There were also a lot of tears, prayers, songs I wrote, and long conversations with my friends. Note: I do not recommend my poorly thought out methods for anyone else but if you were wondering, that’s what held me over.

I remember at some point (before my Summer trip to crazy town), my youngest brother recommended I speak with someone, just because. He actually told our whole family we needed therapy but you know, younger brothers…we just pat them on the head and tell them to bring us back chips or something. So imagine my shock when we had a serious conversation about mental health. It was such mature advice from a kid. Then when I started attending St. John’s, they talked about seeing therapists frequently during service and were advocates for mental health care. I know it might sound silly, but hearing church people be vulnerable about mental health made me feel so much more comfortable. Then the icing on cake, I found out the super successful and amazing women I started to surround myself with absolutely took their places on a therapist’s comfy couch to talk about life and to sort out whatever qualms they had.

I was surrounded. I was seeing couches in my dreams. Ok, I wasn’t but you get the gist…It came from my family, friends and spiritual family. So this year, a friend of mine told me how amazing her experience was and I caved. I set up the appointment and decided to try something new. I knew I was open to help around my career path and intimate relationships I held with people near to my heart. I wanted understanding and a non-biased perspective on what it is that I might be doing to block success in different areas of my life. It was time.

So here I am, years after some of the hardest times of my life, excited to talk to a hoity-toity personality expert about whatever she wants. What?! Who, me? Yep…I’ve been spilling all the beans. She’s amazing and it has been the best decision I could have made for my life.

I was definitely awkward the first trip in. I gave her a history on my family, friends, and a little on my love life. She was easy to talk to and funny enough from a neighborhood close to where I grew up. I felt like she got me. The next few visits, she circled back to some things I brought up and that’s where the fun started. She began to challenge me and in some ways validated things I’ve secretly held deep within my core. She’s been walking me through the timeline of my life to help me understand why I’ve built walls around myself, why I back away from success when I’m less than an inch away, and how being bullied as a child gave me social anxieties I never knew I had.

I know you might be wondering why I’m sharing, but I think it’s important to make sure we are healthy in all aspects of life. I do not look like the things that I’ve been through. I’m grateful for it but I’m ready to shed that old skin and to skyrocket to the next level of my greatness. And I want you to feel empowered to break out of your old, self-harming habits to become the best version of yourself too.

We all deserve joy, balance, and love…Let’s get it. <3

-D.Wright