New Year, New Perspective
Surprise! Your girl is back.
And happy belated to the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Jr.!
Ok ok, I know. Forgive me- tt’s been forever, but I have really good reasons this time. Prepare for this booklet you’re about to read. I’m telling my lil business and giving the real deal on my 2021.
The last time I checked in with you all, the 2020 holiday season was in full effect, work was busy and I was mentally and spiritually preparing for…surgery.
Now, I went back and forth on if this was something I wanted to share but I’m finding that there is power in vulnerability and maybe my journey will help others. I’ve been super sensitive about it and y’all might have realized I’m pretty private but :deep breath: whew girl…here we go. Let’s take it back to January 2021.
January: The only constant in life is change
For all of my life I’ve been extremely active and very “petite.” I noticed a bulge in my abdomen in about 2018/2019 and Aunt Flo, as we’ll affectionately refer to her, was kinda weird. That time of month just wasn’t normal for me anymore. It started with an odd Well Woman’s check up. When I visited my OBGYN, they told me my cervix was tilted. Yes, I freaked out without knowing what it event meant because who wants anything tilted in their body?! Not me girl, not me. And for the fall of 2019-2020 this pretty unpredictable journey began right after that moment. There were tests, X-Rays, blood work, the whole shabang. Eventually my doctor told me I had 3 large fibroids on my uterus that would need to be removed. Cue more freaking out here.
In my mind, that whole time, I knew something was wrong. By this time I’d completely gotten off of a birth control pill that I felt was literally making me insane but had been taking to control the wrath of Auntie Flo. So there I was, a raging looney ballooney, all in my head, hormonal, and with this bulge looking like a lil 6-year old after snacks.
I also had my first mammogram around this time because of the unfortunate history women in my family have with breast cancer. Everything was all good but it was A LOT. And then there was this other potential medical thing (still ongoing) but I was like WHAT IS GOING ON?! Side note…ladies, PLEASE take this post as a sign to get checked. And if you’re a woman of color please please please pay close attention to your bodies and see your physicians annually, we don’t have the benefit of making out alive from conditions others seem to. That’s my PSA for today but ANYWHO, it was a super emotional holiday in 2020. Well ok, it was peaceful because all I did was rest but my heart and spirit were in a tizzy. I had never experienced anything like that, especially without having my family or close friends near by.
So fast forward to January 15, 2021, a couple months after my last blog post…my family wasn’t able to come out to California because of exposure to COVID (they were/are fine don’t worry, we just couldn’t risk it). I called on an old friend to come to the rescue and they took me to the hospital around 7:30a, if I’m remembering it correctly. I sat in the hospital room alone (because COVID), for hours, scared…and just praying this wouldn’t be the deciding factor for if I could bear children and having the family I always secretly knew I wanted but was too fearful to admit to. I looked at the ceiling for a couple of hours, texted my family, pondered, and then they wheeled me out and put me in a room that reminded me of that one scene from ET when he was all ashy-white…yeah I know, random but this is my brain. And they pumped in the burning cocktail of fluids I never want again, and I was out…then I was frantically up, panicking trying to pull out IVs because I forgot where I was.
The next few hours were a blur, and not great.
I learned while in my fog, 3 fibroids went to 17 and 2-3 hours of a standard surgery turned into about 7+ hours and an overnight stay. Needless to say I WAS FREAKING OUT…while on drugs, not a good combination.
I’ll spare you my recovery details but it was mentally a lot. And now I have a rainbow of scars where my perfect little tummy used to live. I took it as a sign from God of “His promise.” Maybe one day I’ll have them corrected or get tatted but it’s a reminder of one of the toughest things I feel like I’ve ever had to deal with in regards to my own person and then a reminder of how strong I actually am, and how much I love life and living. To have my health challenged…man, it was a wake up call. It changed me. I promise this is gonna get happy btw LOL…
February: Just getting started
So February 1st I started back working and diving into the Black History Month programing for an ERG (Employee Resource Group) I help lead. You read that right, after two weeks I was a part of MASSIVE programming for a global audience. I hosted events (as a literal host) planned, and project managed. It was F-U-N and just what I needed to take my mind off things. Our co-chair team is the best and honestly, they along with my actual work team, felt heaven sent. Needless to say BHM went off without a hitch, we shined, and I kept it moving.
March/April: Doing too much
In March, work kept speeding up and I was approached about applying for a new role within my company. Well…one role turned into like 4.5 roles I was referred to (.5 because one was still being “created” for me). So between March and April I did over 30 interviews. And was ultimately offered 2.5 of the roles in mid-April…SO just a refresher- surgery, BHM, 30 interviews…Late April I made the tough and completely life altering decision to become the Internal Comms Lead for multiple and very cool lines of business. BEST DECISION EVER.
May: Settling down
The story doesn’t end there. In May my lease was ending at my old place in “Man Jose” aka San Jose. I had to leave. My mental health depended on it, I wasn’t ok there, even though I might have seemed like it and honestly there were a lot of unsafe things I dealt with there for the price I was paying. Cookie and I were a mess after being confined there for all of 2020. So I tried to save as much as I could, I got a deal at a my new place and took my shenanigans up the road to SF. It was stressful AF.
June/July/August: Summer summer summertime
In June, I already had a flight to Houston so I could see my family, because again, I wasn’t ok being confined for so long. So I had myself a good ole time for Juneteenth and then after that work just kind took off. I did get to celebrate my birthday with a couple of friends in my new building and attended a good friend’s wedding. And during all of the crazy that was life, I spent MONTHS working to pay down medical and SF moving debt that I FINALLY tackled in December. Ya girl is debt free and my health is starting to get back on track.
January 2022: Life right now
SO, there you have it, life has been a complete whirlwind. The first real break (where I’ve rested) since my surgery just happened over this last Christmas. November was a complete wash because I was doing the MOST with my “Thelma” (bestie Adrienne AKA Adra) and my little sister (De).
I’ve done so many cool and amazing things in 2021, and it’s wild I can’t talk about most of them because, “the fruit stand” but 2021 showed me so many things about myself and the person I want to be. It taught me about love, loyalty, and believing in the impossible.
I finally know now I can do anything I put my heart and mind to. God has been incredibly merciful towards me. I get so many chances…thus 9 Lives for the real ones. And I know I don’t deserve it but I’m so glad to be shown grace. And I’m now trying to put that grace and passion into action throughout all aspects of my life. I’ve decided to root for me harder than anyone else will so I can stay motivated and hot on the things I love, and to extend myself kindness and grace because I realized (ok my therapist told me) I’ve been through A LOT throughout my life and I will just keep on trucking for the sake of not dealing…it took me having surgery to see myself completely.
So here I am in 2022, with a new perspective and new hope through the turmoil and chaos out there in the world. I’m working to be my most positive and loving self. And instead of wallowing about the state of the times or worrying about things I absolutely can not control, I’m going to try to use the time I have, while being able-bodied and in my right mind, to help this world however I can…while having ALL THE FUN I CAN, because let’s be real, I loves me a good time.
I know this was a different type of post, but I just wanted to be honest. And please, let’s take care of all aspects of our mental health and wellness this year. I promise, when you look after yourself…everything becomes so much clearer.
Happy New Year, love y’all!