So today we celebrate the American-foodie-national-holiday…Thanksgiving. Ok , it’s more than that but you get my drift. Usually, you could find me back home -in Houston– with my purple Rubbermaid Tupperware, joyously bouncing from house to house in my cozy-eating-pants because don’t play, we all have them. This year y’all will find me in my apartment making the best of the holiday season here in The Bay. Instead of wallowing about not being home to see the people I love, I’m making the best of this time and working to actually create my own little traditions. It’s about time, and I might as well practice for when I have my own family…gasp, own family. Whew, ok I’m back. So here are a few tips/what I’ll be up to during Turkey Day as a single woman-child in quarantine.

Soak in the morning vibes

Today I woke up with gratitude bursting from my lil heart. I mean outside of FedEx ruining my food order (go check out my Twitter thread if you’d like to see my mini meltdown) I was so happy! I sat, thought about where I came from and where I am…and just relished the moment. We are so blessed to be alive through such unprecedented and unpredictable times, and I reminded myself just how fortunate I am to be safe and well with people who love me. Then I cuddled with Cookie (my adorable furry sidekick) because that’s what we do…plus I have to catch him before he starts with his morning “kisses.” I called my parents and kicked off the rest of the morning with the Macy’s Day Thanksgiving Parade. It was perfect. Take a breath today and feel.

Plan yourself a feast

It’s ok if you’re not the best of cooks or if you miss your family’s home-cooking. Think about creating your own little smorgasbord of things you enjoy. I might have had to cut my cajun stuffed chicken, thanks to FedEx, but that doesn’t mean I can’t prepare the other things that make me feel closer to home. I’m thinking I might fry some chicken legs to accompany my homemade dirty rice, cabbage, sweet potatoes, mac & cheese, and cornbread. Oh yes, it’s going DOWN today y’all! If you’re not a cook, order-in or try your local market for pre-cooked dishes and desserts. And if you aren’t too deep in your cocoon of comfort, maybe do a drive-by to a friend’s house for a coveted “plate.” Don’t forget, you probably have more options than you thought.

Gather virtually with your family

Now YES….I did call my mom and dad earlier this morning, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be harassing everyone via FaceTime. I have siblings, friends, and more folks to bother about nothing and I plan on doing it TAHDAY. I figured, I was invited out but I’d rather just spruce myself up a bit and look cute over video chat. It’s safe and literally takes no real effort at all…plus it’s FUN! Do it, call out to people. You don’t have to wait for them to reach out to you.

Watch ALL the holiday movies

After I’ve stuffed myself to a pulp and drank way tew much, I’ll be watching every holiday themed cartoon, romcom, comedy, drama, special I can lay my eyes on. There will be some serious gluttony and couch time happening today friends. This is the perfect time to get in the spirit of love and joy, so what not?! And you know, no one is going to judge you now…Break out the Mariah Carey and tinsel, it’s time.

Well— hopefully this helps all of you single peeps dealing with your first, truly solo holiday. Us unmarried folks have to stick together outchea! I’d love to hear any other tips or best practices you have for celebrating your holiday to the fullest, while being solo-dolo, so drop me a line. And Happy Thanksgiving! <3

-D. Wright

It’s been one week and five days since election night, and a week and a day after President Elect Joe Biden and Vice President Elect Kamala Harris were called to win this historic 2020 presidential election. It felt like the fate of America rode off this moment. Shoot, it felt like the fate of the world relied on this election honestly.

Since that glorious Saturday morning, when the race was called for the two Democratic leaders, Donald Trump has been claiming a “rigged election”- of course because, ya know sore loser. But when the race was called on November 7th, many of us exhaled a collective sigh of relief. For a moment it felt like things were looking up and hopeful; however, my relief quickly soured into paranoia. I probably should’ve laid off the news, but shortly after Biden-Harris won, 45 continued to 45 and pretty much worked to ruin the moment with his antics. Since then, I feel like I’ve low-key been living with this underlying fear. Seeing the reaction of Far-Right supporters made me want to hide. I’ve even been seriously considering getting armed and moving into a neighborhood I feel more accepted and safer in…it’s 2020 people, and that’s sad. Then the results from exit polls (where you could see the hard divide in race amongst voters) coupled with the rage of 45-supporters, and their migration/slinking to dark corners of the web like effin Parler (where actual bigots now congregate in under the veil of “free speech”) made my mind spiral. It was a lot to take in after experiencing this brief sense of euphoria. I’d say in the aftermath of things, I’m hopeful and the overall weight and stress of this election has been lifted but I’m majorly disappointed in a pretty large subset of people, especially the people I’d assume would understand why the MAGA mentality and it’s bunkered-up leader have been completely toxic to American culture. I seriously won’t be able to look at the American flag the same way for a hot minute, or people I’ve known, or neighborhoods I used to frequent. It all seems tainted to me. I know things can change and perspectives can shift, but right now- I’m just like dang man, you don’t see us or our hearts and you really don’t understand why we see this guy and his Trumpology as a threat.

Of course more strangeness has happened since then…as a matter of fact, yesterday was the lil “Million Maga March,” insert eyeroll here for these people continuously bopping off of Black folks. Seeing them ranting, brawling, (again) diminishing the American flag with bigoted flags and just the hatefulness…was scary. Sigh, this is the country people of color are supposed to feel grateful for. If I ever thought a repeat of the Civil Rights era were to happen, I’d say it would be right now, it’s been insane. But at least world leaders have been acknowledging the historic win with congratulatory messages and well wishes. It kinda let me know this victory wasn’t made up in my mind, we weren’t being gaslit, and the spurious claims of cheating -through a massive conspiracy- were just too ridiculous to fall for.

So all isn’t lost, I have faith. I know there is so much work for us to do and I’m dedicated to the cause. And on top of that, Twitter memes and TikTok have been golden and keeping up my spirits. Gotta laugh to keep from crying right?

Anywho, this is a just another post where I’m in my feelings. I’m feeling good…feeling cautiously optimistic and ready to receive the goodness of the future of our country. We’re stepping into a new era of America. January 20th can’t come soon enough. How are y’all doing after this wild 2020 election? <3

-D. Wright

So it’s the first week of November, AND Election 2020. I’ve never, in all my life, had a week like this. *Fair warning, I have nothing profound to say. I’ve just seriously never had a week like this.

After witnessing folks all over the Instaworld break quarantine to dazzle one another in their fancy costumes and later brunch -as if tha ‘Rona was miraculously cured- in honor of the very-very (un)important holiday, Halloween…time fell back. So now, on top of possibly contagious people running around, we barely know where we are in the day.

What I do know is we’re on the FOURTH day of the most epic presidential election I’ve ever experienced in my voting history. It’s been worse than waiting for a Black Southern Baptist preacher to wrap up a sermon after his 5th ending. This thing seems to never end. Needless to say, the country is waiting on pins and needles with the news of who will be the future leader of this great ole ‘Murica.

I was planning on having a post up yesterday but to be honest the times are so got-dog-on wild, I couldn’t even focus. As a matter of fact, I took off this week because I knew I wouldn’t be able to focus. I had an inkling I was going to need a mental break to rest, and regroup -regardless of what the results were- plus my body gave me the signs of needing a break, so I listened. Now here I am- spending my 3rd day hanging with a dog who does zoomies like military drills, watching marathons of cheesy Christmas movies on Hallmark/Lifetime (because I’m a real adult in need of a healthy dose of reality), buying holiday decorations, and building my new bar cart all the while simultaneously watching the current president meltdown on global news and Twitter. It’s such a fascinating time to be a grown-up.

Americans are witnessing another historic and dramatic election, in real time, and through the lens of social media and news companies. I can’t even believe we’re awaiting 4 “battleground” states to seal our fate, and that Black & Latinx people are basically leading the charge. I feel like that deserves its own post right there. But anyway, fortunately for me, I’ve learned how to keep myself distracted and mentally balanced. I’m definitely nervous and worried about the repercussions of this election. It feels like many people are cautiously optimistic about the results but fearfully anticipating the actions of 45’s gun-toting, flag-waving pirate minions. We’ll see how it all plays out though.

In more important news- I’m just plotting for the future. I feel so inspired to have some type of creative outlet or business…or both. I want to feel that entrepreneurial freedom, ya know? And Black women are really inspiring me to just do it. Through seeing the results of this election come in and how different Black women are making names for themselves/leading in ways we could never imagine- they have me so ready to take my life to the next level. I’m just inspired to do things I didn’t think were possible. Wait…I guess I lied, I did have something profound to say. And that is- I’m finding a silver lining in the midst of the madness, and oh there is so much madness.

But how is your first week of November going? Are you getting ready for the holidays or just pushing through elections? <3

-D.Wright

I used to think everything started and ended with H-Town-Houston Texas. And Yes, I know the world is larger than Texas, but we Texans seem to believe we’re the greatest thing to happen to these here United States of UhMurica. I just couldn’t fathom life, being as amazing as it was in Texas, anywhere else in the world. Texas pride is a real thing folks and we have no shame about it. So imagine my surprise when I left and realized this great world held more for me than my beloved home state and hometown. As a native Houstonian, I thought living in the country’s fourth largest city would provide every opportunity equal to the amount of love and contentment I felt there everyday. Spoiler alert…It didn’t. So much was in store for me outside of my comfort zone and I want to share a bit of what I’ve learned leaving Space City for Silicon Valley. Here are my top three lessons:

Talk Less, Act Boldly

One thing about Houston was I felt like we all had so many dreams but never really did them to our fullest capabilities. It could very well be because of age, money, and insecurity back then but it was safe to say that everyone wasn’t “doing” or completely following through as they might have let on. No shade at all because I fell into the toxic cycle myself, but after moving here, I’ve completely snapped out of it. I learned no matter the outcome, it’s best to just try. Everything doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be right…for you. Once I trusted my gut and my knowledge, things took off for me. I didn’t have to just talk about my dreams, I started living them. I guess you could say another mini-lesson I learned was, you sometimes have to leave what you know so that you can really spread your wings and do what your heart is called to do…boldly and unapologetically.

Surround Yourself With Greatness

Houston was full of amazing personalities and celebrities and wealth…but I never truly felt that kind of “success” was attainable. Houston was an oil and gas town. I needed a creative town. Moving to a place like Silicon Valley instantly plops you into circles and conversations you’d never even imagine to be in. It’s kinda like LA in the sense of going to a place where a primary industry is so massive that everyone is literally a few degrees apart. Back home, I was a bazillion degrees apart from truly doing the creative work I desired. Moving into a region focused on a creative industry helped me to not only feel like the sky was the limit for my path, but inspired to do whatever I could dream. I wish I could tell y’all even half the cool stuff I’ve been able to do. Just know I’m smack dab in the middle of fortune 500-excellence AND a top notch art scene. The industry I currently work in literally changes billions of lives and I wouldn’t have had this same experience if I were too afraid and stayed home. Don’t be afraid to move towards excellence.

Say “Buh-bye Safety Net”

Home had every creature-comfort a girl could ever want or need. Even if you were “broke” :raising my hand on this one: it didn’t take much money to have a good time or enjoy your family and friends. Southern culture is so rooted in family and extended family. This was a blessing and a crutch for me. Leaving taught me to fly on my trapeze with no net in sight. Am I scared sometimes? Yes. But is it also exhilarating…double-yes. I bump my head and stumble but it feels amazing. The freedom you gain from just doing whatever you want is unmatched. I will say working for a global corporation can be restricting in some ways, but I’m so proud of what I do and I know it will set me up for my creative pursuits as I keep living.

So friends…you could say this post is dedicated to those of you on the fence, and wondering if it makes sense to take a leap of faith. I say, you never know what is on the other side for you. Don’t feel limited by your surroundings, understand there’s a whole life for you in a city, state, or country that could take you to the next level. There’s so much to gain from leaving your past and stepping out on faith. The world is your oyster, it just has to be discovered. <3

-D. Wright

Go ahead and get your wine, there are no pictures...just gems. Ok, now that we’ve gotten that out the way, let’s go!

If you’re in the corporate world it’s likely performance review time or you’ve just received feedback from your manager. To those of you not familiar with performance reviews, it’s make or break time for your job title and…mooonnniiieeesss. Sometimes you get raises, sometimes you get promotions, sometimes you get the whole shabang. It’s a time where you literally can position yourself to get ahead. I just had mine -the first successful one in my entire professional life- and it taught me a huge lesson about my true potential and self-worth.

Here’s the long story, short. I moved into the corporate side of my company two years ago and left it all to head from Houston to Silicon Valley. I advocated for myself when I first heard I got the gig, but do keep in mind there were other cool opportunities on the table and a mentor in my ear. Me trying to negotiate when I was already in the system of this major company, and moving up, was definitely a challenge though. I anticipated push back, because that’s what companies do- they push back for a variety of financial reasons…but I had to ask. Shoot, it’s what the men in my life do- they apply, make their demands, and see what sticks. So I tried it, I asked. I was nervous but I felt motivated by the sky-rocketing rent prices I saw online and by the ridiculous cost of living I had become familiar with during my previous stay in SoCal (California-speak for Southern California). I felt like I came with an extremely unique set of skills/experience and a lot to offer. I couldn’t let rent be an issue for me in a new state because I knew would have hopped on the first flight home if it were.

Fortunately I had a wonderful manager, a woman of color, who took my request seriously and advocated for me when I first got on. It was then that I received my first corporate pay bump. Years prior, as a musician I never really felt empowered to ask for what I wanted or felt I deserved for performing and writing. At that time in my life we were all young and bartering, and just trying to figure it out. So I came with a bit of empowerment-baggage there. This was what I carried into Corporate America, so this small win was monumental for me.

Fast forward into 2020…I had three different managers in the time span of November 2019-January 2020 (my first manager left and long story don’t ask LOL #stillbitter #pleasecomeback). But I knew I was in desperate need of my promotion and raise for all the amazing projects I’d been a part of and work that I had done. And here’s fun little nugget, my 3rd manager came with an org shift. I literally moved teams and now had to try and convince a new manager and organization that I deserved a promotion and a raise. They didn’t know me, but I didn’t care. They were going to get to know me and in the wise words of philosopher Robyn Rihanna Fenty “Bih betta have my money!” It was time, and I needed to put on my big-girl-pannies to receive the equitable compensation I absolutely knew I deserved. I promise you I’m not being Millennial about this, I was literally doing multiple roles. So, what did I do to get my coins…welp, here it goes:

I made a “deck”

At my company, if it isn’t in Keynote, it probably didn’t happen. That meant I needed to translate my wins into something digestible for my leaders. I used my running list of achievements and formatted a presentation that grew into a visual review of my year. It included KPIs, aka Key Performance Indicators, I knew were important to my role(s). I even included photos and presenter notes in case I wasn’t able to present my deck to the necessary folks live. Then I took my deck on tour lol…I literally presented it to anyone willing to listen, which leads me to my next point.

I campaigned for myself

I talked to my immediate team openly about the work I did- they backed me when it was time. I talked to my broader team about the work that I did- they backed me when it was time. I spoke with leaders that I worked with and other peers about my work and projects- they also backed me when it was time. I had finally let people know who I was and what I was about. By the time I was in my 4th month on my new team/in my new org, people had a pretty solid idea of who I was and what I was working on. There was no question or debate as to the impact my work had.

I managed up

I had bi-weekly meetings with my new manager and ALWAYS came with an agenda. If I learned one thing from my first manager, it was that I had to be clear and communicative about what I needed to be successful and what I was doing to drive results. I was transparent and intentional, and it was one of the best things I could have done. Every conversation I had with my leaders was structured and strategic so that there were no surprises about who I was as a professional, a creative, or team mate. By managing up, I wrote my own narrative. I didn’t leave any room for interpretation and it paid off…literally.

I went hard

I’m STILL going hard and what I’ve been telling my leaders is as continue to I do impactful work, I expect to be compensated and recognized fairly. I don’t know where my balls of steel came from, but I’ve become very intentional and downright frank when it comes to talking about my work and my money. I’m not shy about it anymore. I work really hard and I’ve seen so many people of color and women get passed over, and paid unfairly. There have been times in my life when I KNEW I was being unfairly paid. I didn’t have a model or a clue of where to begin advocating for myself but I realize it starts with undeniably amazing work. I don’t have the luxury of getting anything because my work is “good,” I have no choice but to present amazing work if I want anything. But in the same token, if we don’t feel we’re appreciated, we have every right to make a move. Just not during the pandemic though. Don’t quit your lil job talking about “DeAndre said if they don’t appreciate me, leave.” Girl, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying you don’t have to work anywhere for 20+ years while only making peanuts and getting passed over. Okay, off my soapbox.

I know every company is different and everyone won’t have the same experience as me. But I wanted to share this because I never thought I deserved to ask for what I wanted. It took a little bit of pre-work before I got comfortable, but my foundation was/is I wholeheartedly believe in fair and equitable pay, and in my work. I continuously research the average comp in my field and ask for what I think I deserve within that band of pay. And when I first became seriously interested in advocating for myself, I took time to learn my company’s culture around pay and how it worked for others. The biggest lesson I learned was identifying that moment, in my gut, when I was confident enough to ask. I had to feel this with my whole self. I, repeat, believed in my work with my whole entire self. I had the results to back my request up and I knew I couldn’t sit on that. I would have only done myself a disservice and set myself back financially for years.

Now, if you’re reading this and have negotiation tips to share- I’m sure other people would love to read them. Oh yeah, I almost forgot! Without going too deep, I received just about everything I asked for and it will be life-changing for me. Your girl is officially not struggling and I want you to win and thrive too! <3

-D. Wright