Surprise! Your girl is back.

And happy belated to the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Jr.!

Ok ok, I know. Forgive me- tt’s been forever, but I have really good reasons this time. Prepare for this booklet you’re about to read. I’m telling my lil business and giving the real deal on my 2021.

The last time I checked in with you all, the 2020 holiday season was in full effect, work was busy and I was mentally and spiritually preparing for…surgery.

Now, I went back and forth on if this was something I wanted to share but I’m finding that there is power in vulnerability and maybe my journey will help others. I’ve been super sensitive about it and y’all might have realized I’m pretty private but :deep breath: whew girl…here we go. Let’s take it back to January 2021.

January: The only constant in life is change

For all of my life I’ve been extremely active and very “petite.” I noticed a bulge in my abdomen in about 2018/2019 and Aunt Flo, as we’ll affectionately refer to her, was kinda weird. That time of month just wasn’t normal for me anymore. It started with an odd Well Woman’s check up. When I visited my OBGYN, they told me my cervix was tilted. Yes, I freaked out without knowing what it event meant because who wants anything tilted in their body?! Not me girl, not me. And for the fall of 2019-2020 this pretty unpredictable journey began right after that moment. There were tests, X-Rays, blood work, the whole shabang. Eventually my doctor told me I had 3 large fibroids on my uterus that would need to be removed. Cue more freaking out here.

In my mind, that whole time, I knew something was wrong. By this time I’d completely gotten off of a birth control pill that I felt was literally making me insane but had been taking to control the wrath of Auntie Flo. So there I was, a raging looney ballooney, all in my head, hormonal, and with this bulge looking like a lil 6-year old after snacks.

I also had my first mammogram around this time because of the unfortunate history women in my family have with breast cancer. Everything was all good but it was A LOT. And then there was this other potential medical thing (still ongoing) but I was like WHAT IS GOING ON?! Side note…ladies, PLEASE take this post as a sign to get checked. And if you’re a woman of color please please please pay close attention to your bodies and see your physicians annually, we don’t have the benefit of making out alive from conditions others seem to. That’s my PSA for today but ANYWHO, it was a super emotional holiday in 2020. Well ok, it was peaceful because all I did was rest but my heart and spirit were in a tizzy. I had never experienced anything like that, especially without having my family or close friends near by.

So fast forward to January 15, 2021, a couple months after my last blog post…my family wasn’t able to come out to California because of exposure to COVID (they were/are fine don’t worry, we just couldn’t risk it). I called on an old friend to come to the rescue and they took me to the hospital around 7:30a, if I’m remembering it correctly. I sat in the hospital room alone (because COVID), for hours, scared…and just praying this wouldn’t be the deciding factor for if I could bear children and having the family I always secretly knew I wanted but was too fearful to admit to. I looked at the ceiling for a couple of hours, texted my family, pondered, and then they wheeled me out and put me in a room that reminded me of that one scene from ET when he was all ashy-white…yeah I know, random but this is my brain. And they pumped in the burning cocktail of fluids I never want again, and I was out…then I was frantically up, panicking trying to pull out IVs because I forgot where I was.

The next few hours were a blur, and not great.

I learned while in my fog, 3 fibroids went to 17 and 2-3 hours of a standard surgery turned into about 7+ hours and an overnight stay. Needless to say I WAS FREAKING OUT…while on drugs, not a good combination.

I’ll spare you my recovery details but it was mentally a lot. And now I have a rainbow of scars where my perfect little tummy used to live. I took it as a sign from God of “His promise.” Maybe one day I’ll have them corrected or get tatted but it’s a reminder of one of the toughest things I feel like I’ve ever had to deal with in regards to my own person and then a reminder of how strong I actually am, and how much I love life and living. To have my health challenged…man, it was a wake up call. It changed me. I promise this is gonna get happy btw LOL…

February: Just getting started

So February 1st I started back working and diving into the Black History Month programing for an ERG (Employee Resource Group) I help lead. You read that right, after two weeks I was a part of MASSIVE programming for a global audience. I hosted events (as a literal host) planned, and project managed. It was F-U-N and just what I needed to take my mind off things. Our co-chair team is the best and honestly, they along with my actual work team, felt heaven sent. Needless to say BHM went off without a hitch, we shined, and I kept it moving.

March/April: Doing too much

In March, work kept speeding up and I was approached about applying for a new role within my company. Well…one role turned into like 4.5 roles I was referred to (.5 because one was still being “created” for me). So between March and April I did over 30 interviews. And was ultimately offered 2.5 of the roles in mid-April…SO just a refresher- surgery, BHM, 30 interviews…Late April I made the tough and completely life altering decision to become the Internal Comms Lead for multiple and very cool lines of business. BEST DECISION EVER.

May: Settling down

The story doesn’t end there. In May my lease was ending at my old place in “Man Jose” aka San Jose. I had to leave. My mental health depended on it, I wasn’t ok there, even though I might have seemed like it and honestly there were a lot of unsafe things I dealt with there for the price I was paying. Cookie and I were a mess after being confined there for all of 2020. So I tried to save as much as I could, I got a deal at a my new place and took my shenanigans up the road to SF. It was stressful AF.

June/July/August: Summer summer summertime

In June, I already had a flight to Houston so I could see my family, because again, I wasn’t ok being confined for so long. So I had myself a good ole time for Juneteenth and then after that work just kind took off. I did get to celebrate my birthday with a couple of friends in my new building and attended a good friend’s wedding. And during all of the crazy that was life, I spent MONTHS working to pay down medical and SF moving debt that I FINALLY tackled in December. Ya girl is debt free and my health is starting to get back on track.

January 2022: Life right now

SO, there you have it, life has been a complete whirlwind. The first real break (where I’ve rested) since my surgery just happened over this last Christmas. November was a complete wash because I was doing the MOST with my “Thelma” (bestie Adrienne AKA Adra) and my little sister (De).

I’ve done so many cool and amazing things in 2021, and it’s wild I can’t talk about most of them because, “the fruit stand” but 2021 showed me so many things about myself and the person I want to be. It taught me about love, loyalty, and believing in the impossible.

I finally know now I can do anything I put my heart and mind to. God has been incredibly merciful towards me. I get so many chances…thus 9 Lives for the real ones. And I know I don’t deserve it but I’m so glad to be shown grace. And I’m now trying to put that grace and passion into action throughout all aspects of my life. I’ve decided to root for me harder than anyone else will so I can stay motivated and hot on the things I love, and to extend myself kindness and grace because I realized (ok my therapist told me) I’ve been through A LOT throughout my life and I will just keep on trucking for the sake of not dealing…it took me having surgery to see myself completely.

So here I am in 2022, with a new perspective and new hope through the turmoil and chaos out there in the world. I’m working to be my most positive and loving self. And instead of wallowing about the state of the times or worrying about things I absolutely can not control, I’m going to try to use the time I have, while being able-bodied and in my right mind, to help this world however I can…while having ALL THE FUN I CAN, because let’s be real, I loves me a good time.

I know this was a different type of post, but I just wanted to be honest. And please, let’s take care of all aspects of our mental health and wellness this year. I promise, when you look after yourself…everything becomes so much clearer.

Happy New Year, love y’all!

-D. Wright

Wow…We’ve officially exited the 2010s and have entered an entirely new decade! Let me tell y’all– it feels so good to be an adult, thriving, and ready to conquer the rest of my real-adult life. It only took ten tumultuous years to figure it out, but you know what…I’m out of the fog and not planning on making the same mistakes thrice.

So what happened?

In the early 2010s I pretty much quit doing music, formally. I never stopped writing or creating work but let’s just say the whys are complicated and a tad messy. Eventually I waded through trying to figure out how to launch my career but I just didn’t have the heart or perseverance to truly make it happen. I gave up, but this is also the time I started working in a certain store (basically for medical insurance and a steady check) and that decision would ultimately change my life. Oh yeah, I got my first new car and said #byebye91camaro.

In the mid-2010s love started to take me out…and I started going to therapy. Ok love isn’t solely why I went to therapy but there was a lot going on in all areas of my life. It wore my entire existence down and I don’t even know how to completely dive in on this one without getting too deep, maybe I will one day, but I changed (not in the best way either). I was unsure of myself and honestly didn’t know what I wanted out of love, life, or anyone for that matter. I was afraid to ask for anything I felt I deserved. Love (or the thought I had of love) literally beat me down into submission. It wasn’t all sad though, the best parts of the mid-2010s were embracing my natural curls, taking my first trip to Europe, hitting 30, and basically learning some really solid lessons on relationships in romance, family, business…well shoot, in general.

In the late 2010s I became Grown-AF and pretty much said “eff it, take a chance on yourself girl“. You can call this my breaking out phase. This is when things began to get clear. I moved to California after a lifetime in Texas, took a new job as a professional writer (thus the move to Cali), committed to lead a really cool ERG (employee resource group) within my company, started traveling more, got the most adorable puppy on Earth, finally discovered myself, and realized– I liked me.

So what next?

Basically I learned the lessons and sewed, now I figure I’d dedicate the next 10 years to taking action and reaping the harvest. Might as well change it up right? So here’s what I think I’ll be working through…and you can all count yourselves as my accountability buddies to help me make it through this new exciting time in our lives.

1. Getting more creative and sharing my work.

Though I thought the 2010s would be the quick start and end of my musical aspirations, I realized who I was and why I did music in the first place. I can’t stop creating. It literally makes me sick not to do what I love so I’m going to give it a go in The Bay. I’m going to continue to create because it’s in my nature and if I decide I want to make a living off of it, I’ll do what it takes to make it happen. I’m also going to keep writing on my blog (I promise) and launch my podcast because I feel like I have some solid insight to offer to the world. It’s time.

2. Getting more intentional about love.

I am going to better guard my heart and not take the people who I love/love me for granted. I’m a hopeless romantic and a super sensitive soul– I pretty much wear my heart on my skin. I’ve also tragically lost a handful of people in my life and I know that I’m not exempt from mortality so I’m going to choose to do better about giving myself more to the folks I love. I’m going to love like my life depends on it and also make sure to honor what I desire romantically. I love love and I won’t be a cheeseball about it any more. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, so loving unashamedly is definitely on my to-do list.

3. Letting the sky be my only limit.

I will go and do whatever I dream to do. I know I can. I’ve lied to myself and said that I couldn’t before but that was out of fear, and I won’t punish myself with the restrictions of reality or my own self-made limitations. If it happens, awesome…and if doors close or windows shut, I’ll find new entries to make it to outer space.

Do note that these are my Big 3. I definitely have some other goals in mind like eating better/cooking more, working harder on my spirituality, traveling, and all that jazz but these were the most neglected so I’ve got to fix them stat. Anywho, what about you…What are your goals this year? What do you want to harvest? And oh yeah, Happy New Year friends! <3

2019

-D.Wright

January 2018 is here and like many of you, I’m wondering where did the time go?

It felt like just yesterday I was bringing in 2017 with my girlfriends and blissfully twirling around the kitchen blowing party favors. Yes we were having that total Waiting to Exhale moment and that night was like magic – then came the rest of the year. There were personal challenges, family tragedies, political chaos, natural disasters and all the things I never even considered being concerned about when I was a kid. All I knew back then was that life was a magical thing to live and everything seemed so amazing and new.

Do You Believe In Magic?

Funny enough, I often times wonder about magic. Now for you non-dreamers, this is where the buck might stop. You don’t want to keep going. My whole life I’ve believed in magic. I believed that the world could shift and bend to make miraculous things happen. I always associated this magic with a God power, but it was magical nonetheless. I remember feeling joy, unadulterated joy expectantly knowing the world was my oyster, and mine for the keeping but then I grew up. I left Neverland. Shortly after realizing I was doomed to be a full grown woman and an epic cry with a couple of glasses of Pinot Grigio, I began to really think. The magic never left me, time was always there. Miracles never left, they were all revealed in time. Time – the very thing people said could be both a gift and a curse. The only curse about it was I felt like I never had enough of it. I knew I would take advantage of it and abuse it, shoot I even ran from it, but I never thought it was cursed. I took time for granted.

I think I sometimes still run from the magic of time but after a few failures and meltdowns, I suppose I’m ready to stop running and start dealing. What we do with our time can drastically alter the paths of our lives. When you hit your thirties, you really begin to embrace adulthood with all the happy moments and struggles you experience. I’m learning, it’s ok to reflect on the things that change with time (for better or worse) but the magic is in how you actually use that time to move forward past your challenges. I thought life would be rainbows and sunshine and that I had forever. I’ll tell you what last forever the sting of knowing one moment potentially changed your whole life for the worst but what about those moments that change you for the best? In an instant things can disappear or reappear in front of your very eyes. Life can change instantaneously and that is amazing to me.

Respecting the Time Given

I’m now learning how to respect the time I have and with all its contingencies. It makes more sense to live in the moment and watch the magic unfold before my eyes instead of revisiting the moments though drunken nights on my sofa listening to sad music about failed attempts at life. Respect the time you have on this Earth DeAndre, Sade told you to cherish the day girl! 

What does any of this even mean and why am I writing it to this sea of no-one? It means DO SOMETHING. Before we all know it 2019 will be here. Will we want to be those losers talking about what we shoulda-coulda-woulda done or will we be doers who won’t miss a beat in life? Will we be prepared for challenges, or exciting twists and turns? Will we tell the people we care about that we love them, will we express and emote to one another? Will we let our actions accelerate the magic of time? Will you? I know I will because I want to harness its power.

Cheers to 2018!

Now here I am, the fourth day of January 2018 and stepping even further into adulthood. I’m appreciating the time I’m granted more than ever before. I’m refreshed and prepared to truly work with the time I have. I’m ready to honor it and to use it wisely to make miraculous things happen for myself. I didn’t initially step into this year thinking I had a New Year’s resolution but I guess you could sort of say that I do. I’ll say that I will simply better use my time and know where it went. <3

-D.Wright