Let’s be honest, I’ve been awkward my whole life. I’ve laughed at the wrong time, floated off in conversation, tried to slink away while chatting, misspoke with like some odd fact or joke, and all kinds of other hilariously dumb things. I’ve done a pretty solid job at managing that part of myself, but now I’m facing a new challenge. Over the last few months, I’ve been doing a lot of really cool stuff, and one thing I’ve been struggling with is showing up completely and authentically in these fabulous newfound situations and just…showing up confidently. This might sound like a humble brag but please understand, when you’re naturally awkward, life can get weird real quick.

It doesn’t help that the people I’ve met over the last few months, I feel, are completely out of my league. They’re accomplished, ridiculously educated, influential, powerful and in many ways STOOPID wealthy. In conversation I find myself staring over their heads (or at their nose) and asking, what do I have to offer here? I know I should feel confident in the moment because at the very least, I’m well-dressed and have a cool role I can speak on. But yeaahhhh, that still doesn’t stop me from feeling all insecure high-schooler or like an outsider.

Am I crazy? Do you ever think about any of this stuff when you’re around “important” people? What do I have to offer? It rings like a church bell in my subconscious, but now I’ve been forcing myself to do a gut check. Smart– check. Amazing dad jokes– double check. A pretty interesting background– triple check. Ding ding dingggggg, I’ve got a lil sumn sumn to work with here!

It’s hard to believe channeling self-confidence can be such a challenge in the moment, but it is. Imposter’s syndrome is live and well in these streets folks but I refuse to let it take me out the game. And no more yelling “RETREAT, RETREAT!” or suffering from word vomit when people are simply trying to have casual conversation. I am aggressively working to just be. How? By slowing down, doing my gut check, and practicing these 5 things I picked up between my therapist and my mentor:

1. Take a deep breath.

2. Straighten your posture.

3. Pause to think before you respond.

4. Try to recall something you’re proud of yourself about. (You’re validating yourself here.)

5. If you get really nervous…excuse yourself to a quiet space to breathe a bit and gather your thoughts.

This all might sound a bit goofy, but social anxiety is real and manifests differently for people–especially if you feel weighed down by expectations from others. Getting more comfortable in your skin and confident takes work, but it’s well worth it. I’m finally starting to get a glimpse of the other side and it’s absolutely liberating.

Have any of you dealt with social anxiety, imposter syndrome, or even just being plain awkward? How do you deal? <3

-D.Wright

So we’re starting off 2020 with less talks of joy and world peace, and with more talks of shenanigans from the supposed leader of the free-world.

This week in news, 45 decided to take out a beloved, high-ranking Iranian military general and now the world is in an absolute tizzy. Guys, like seriously, this was a few days into the New Year we haven’t even had time to get completely sober yet. I was just full of hope and happiness like five days ago, yet here we are– war, likely re-election of an Impeached flaming racist/faux Christian evangelist/high-key sexual predator, and growing international anxieties due to emboldened Iranian threats.

Of course you couldn’t watch the news or even get on social media without catching word. Three got-dog on days into 2020 Twitter was trending with bubbling discussions of world war, fears of Iranian retaliation on the US, and government conspiracy during re-elections.

I totally understand why folks justify Qasem Soleimani’s death and why others question its timing. What really sucks to me is that many people aren’t even thinking about the soldiers’ lives at risk or the lives of innocent people who are going to pay the cost for this fallout. Nooooo, we just get dumb memes about a non-existent military draft and endless Facebook arguments on who’s fault any of this is…because you know, Obama. :insert triggered af eye roll here:

Gays receiving their military draft letters in the mail when we go to war with Iran pic.twitter.com/pV0YBudMwY

— John Clyde (@johnclydenyc) January 3, 2020

All this to say I’m tired, I’m burned out y’all. Everyday, I feel like we’re drawing closer and closer to doom, and that’s mostly why I don’t write my opinions on this stuff anymore. The last three years have sucked to be an American (in the most first-world-problems kind of way). Politics have pretty much threatened our ways of life and incapacitated people’s brain cells, on top of the fact that the world is going to Hell in a hand basket (literally, see: Australia). I find myself watching cartoons and searching for animal videos frequently. I play with my dog a lot…all to avoid the stress of politics. Boooooyyyy and DON’T HAVE FRIENDS/FAMILY ON THE OPPOSING SIDE– they equally run up your blood pressure without you even opening a laptop or watching the news. So my mind rumbles on, my anxiety heightens, and I continue to wonder–when did we stop thinking for ourselves? Why is it so hard to see the truth or even, reality? And why must we argue about every-single–thing? You know what’s interesting…Other countries that don’t have as much liberal freedom of speech as we do, hit the streets. They rise up. They don’t have the luxury of arguing online, they actually–gasps–take…action.

More Action Less Talk

This year is more of a year-of-action for me. I’m in an organization that helps makes global change for people of color. And while I don’t know what I’m going to do about my political angst, I know I’ll keep paying attention. I just honestly don’t see the point of adding to the noise of media. There isn’t much you can do to change the mind of a narcissistic racist online, or your friendly neighborhood ignorant know-it-all. These people seem to be changed with time and personal experience. Then with the news…if we read more we can absolutely sort out the facts. News people (no disrespect) aren’t normally the the most reputable sources of truth. They report what’s given to them unless they seek a story out of their own interest. So knowing that– research the stories from a variety of resources, identify the consistencies/inconsistencies, and THEN pair that with your logic. It’s so agitating to hear people talk on this stuff who barely read or research beyond their favorite blog sites. Like girl…your fave Youtube star is not the end-all, be-all to political news. Lastly, politicians…why do we trust any of them??? They’re POLITICIANS and I refuse to be categorized like I’m in some sort of gang. Dems = Libs and Repubs = Conservatives…I don’t really have that much dedication to any of it and I’m def not repping any colors (hood kids get it). It’s honestly a matter of what poison you pick because they’ve all had to do and say things they’d probably never admit to in public. That’s why I never went into politics, it’s a real thing. Even our beloved leaders are not exempt of having skeletons in ye old closet. Yet, knowing this, we continue to argue, let people who have never experienced our lives lead us, and turn against each other in the wake of global turmoil.

I’m trying to figure out what to do with all of these feelings. What do you do? <3

-D.Wright

Wow…We’ve officially exited the 2010s and have entered an entirely new decade! Let me tell y’all– it feels so good to be an adult, thriving, and ready to conquer the rest of my real-adult life. It only took ten tumultuous years to figure it out, but you know what…I’m out of the fog and not planning on making the same mistakes thrice.

So what happened?

In the early 2010s I pretty much quit doing music, formally. I never stopped writing or creating work but let’s just say the whys are complicated and a tad messy. Eventually I waded through trying to figure out how to launch my career but I just didn’t have the heart or perseverance to truly make it happen. I gave up, but this is also the time I started working in a certain store (basically for medical insurance and a steady check) and that decision would ultimately change my life. Oh yeah, I got my first new car and said #byebye91camaro.

In the mid-2010s love started to take me out…and I started going to therapy. Ok love isn’t solely why I went to therapy but there was a lot going on in all areas of my life. It wore my entire existence down and I don’t even know how to completely dive in on this one without getting too deep, maybe I will one day, but I changed (not in the best way either). I was unsure of myself and honestly didn’t know what I wanted out of love, life, or anyone for that matter. I was afraid to ask for anything I felt I deserved. Love (or the thought I had of love) literally beat me down into submission. It wasn’t all sad though, the best parts of the mid-2010s were embracing my natural curls, taking my first trip to Europe, hitting 30, and basically learning some really solid lessons on relationships in romance, family, business…well shoot, in general.

In the late 2010s I became Grown-AF and pretty much said “eff it, take a chance on yourself girl“. You can call this my breaking out phase. This is when things began to get clear. I moved to California after a lifetime in Texas, took a new job as a professional writer (thus the move to Cali), committed to lead a really cool ERG (employee resource group) within my company, started traveling more, got the most adorable puppy on Earth, finally discovered myself, and realized– I liked me.

So what next?

Basically I learned the lessons and sewed, now I figure I’d dedicate the next 10 years to taking action and reaping the harvest. Might as well change it up right? So here’s what I think I’ll be working through…and you can all count yourselves as my accountability buddies to help me make it through this new exciting time in our lives.

1. Getting more creative and sharing my work.

Though I thought the 2010s would be the quick start and end of my musical aspirations, I realized who I was and why I did music in the first place. I can’t stop creating. It literally makes me sick not to do what I love so I’m going to give it a go in The Bay. I’m going to continue to create because it’s in my nature and if I decide I want to make a living off of it, I’ll do what it takes to make it happen. I’m also going to keep writing on my blog (I promise) and launch my podcast because I feel like I have some solid insight to offer to the world. It’s time.

2. Getting more intentional about love.

I am going to better guard my heart and not take the people who I love/love me for granted. I’m a hopeless romantic and a super sensitive soul– I pretty much wear my heart on my skin. I’ve also tragically lost a handful of people in my life and I know that I’m not exempt from mortality so I’m going to choose to do better about giving myself more to the folks I love. I’m going to love like my life depends on it and also make sure to honor what I desire romantically. I love love and I won’t be a cheeseball about it any more. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, so loving unashamedly is definitely on my to-do list.

3. Letting the sky be my only limit.

I will go and do whatever I dream to do. I know I can. I’ve lied to myself and said that I couldn’t before but that was out of fear, and I won’t punish myself with the restrictions of reality or my own self-made limitations. If it happens, awesome…and if doors close or windows shut, I’ll find new entries to make it to outer space.

Do note that these are my Big 3. I definitely have some other goals in mind like eating better/cooking more, working harder on my spirituality, traveling, and all that jazz but these were the most neglected so I’ve got to fix them stat. Anywho, what about you…What are your goals this year? What do you want to harvest? And oh yeah, Happy New Year friends! <3

2019

-D.Wright

It’s effin 2019, Black History Month has had it’s moment, and now here we are in March.

Let that marinate people…MARCH!!!

I can hardly believe it and yessss I know it’s been a hot minute since I last dropped a line but let me tell you, life has been nuts. I can’t complain but it’s been quite different from anything I’ve ever experienced.

I’ve been doing so much that by the end of the week, I’m generally left wondering where the time has gone, where to even begin restarting my creative work and how to maintain consistency. I thought I’d be doing all the things since I don’t have many distractions here. Shoot, I even thought I was going to be writing you people like 3 times a week, but then life was like NOPE…#NewJobNewYou girl. So I stopped trying to force what didn’t feel natural and I surrendered to being present in my experience here.

As you can imagine, it’s been a major adjustment, picking up and moving to Cali from Texas. And I honestly think I’ll feel more settled after this first year is up but at least I can say I’m getting used to my new gig, and raising my adorable puppy Cookie the CEO (named after Tim Cook). Yes it’s a funny story on how I selected his name, we’ll talk about it later. Anywho, this white little floofball has managed to take up the free time I thought I had so now life is even more full. As we speak, he’s spread all of his toys across my living room and has literally taken over. When I move, he moves. When he sneezes, it’s usually in my face. When I’m not keeping a close eye on him, he’s either making something a fire hydrant or into who knows what. I don’t have a life anymore. I might even be telling people I’m a single Black mother in Silicon Valley at this point. They totally know I’m joking btw…Well, hopefully.

Ok, what else can I think…Oh! I made two trips down to Houston in November and December last year for my cousin’s wedding and then for the holiday break. Let’s first start off with how amazing it was to have a proper break. Geez I didn’t know what I was missing! It was definitely a nice change up, going back home, but definitely interesting staying there after being in California for a bit. Of course I loved being with my family and friends but I realized there was absolutely nothing left for me outside of my familial life. I tried EVERYTHING in Texas and nothing really stuck for me. I did music, was on the scene, went to the best places, dated the most interesting people, had the BEST of friends but I never really built the way I knew I could. By the end of the trip, I realized it was time for a change, and that’s why I left for California. I had to take a leap of faith, now look at me…new city, new job, new life–new outlook.

Anywho, all is well and I have so much stuff to share. In the mean time, here is a blip of my life from around October to February, presented to you wonderful people in “thumbnails” until I can figure out this whole updated blog platform lol! Talk soon. <3

-D. Wright

So…I’m officially settled into California.

Well, I won’t take on a California ID quite yet but I’m here and there’s no turning back. I’ve finally come to terms with it.

I did this to myself.

For years, I had been annoyingly declarative and telling folks I was going to live in California. I thought it would be LA but the Big Guy pretty much said otherwise. 

When I stepped off the plane, I just knew my life would be different from that day forward. Houston would be my forever-home but the world would become the place I’d lay my head.

I’m proud to say (again) I’m a full-time writer for a extremely popular technology company in Silicon Valley.

I’m excited, I’m nervous, I’m proud. My life is completely insane.

I remember when everyone, including my parents, thought the only route for a Creative Writing degree major would be in education at best. Everyone thought I clearly had lost the last piece of good common sense God gave me. Now look, while I absolutely love and respect teachers, I wanted more beyond the classroom. I wanted the world. No one could see how a person like me could shoot for the world with a less serious title from a non-prestigious univeristy. They couldn’t see it. I could barely see it to be honest. I desired a path that would allow me to be impactful and creative, that’s all I really knew. I fought as a songwriter, I fought as an intern, as a temp, as an admin, and as a retail employee to dream for more. I wanted more. I’ve always wanted more.

Giving up was not an option.

So here I am after climbing and struggling, and climbing and praying, and sinking and climbing. I somehow became a full-time professional creative with insurance, benefits, 401K, and stock in a world of people who look nothing like me. Yes…The girl from Homestead, Houston Texas has stock options. And I’m not wealthy by ANY means, believe me #theseCalitaxes. I’m sure I’ll get there though because I’m definitely working on it and I know it will be a journey. I’m just excited to finally get somewhere in life with my voice and that’s probably one of the most fulfilling things out of this whole adventure…The world gets to hear me and sometimes, they don’t even know it.

I think I mentioned it before that I hadn’t been posting because it took me a little bit of time to move, get settled and gather myself. I had to come to terms with my new life, or at least my life for now, and that there was no turning back. I’m still telling myself, everyday, that there is no going back. I left my family, friends, love and all that to find me. It’s already happening quicker than I could have even imagined.

Have faith in yourself.

I’ve promised myself to be brave. I mean, adults get scared and lonely too. I vowed I would make it back to my beloved South when my assignment was done because I clearly have things to do in the world.

Shoot, in less than 6 months, I’ve worked on national campaigns with my new team, released an EP, met some unexpectedly amazing people, celebrated my birthday, and all kinds of other glorious randomness. I guess I can afford to keep the party going for a bit.

When have you had to be brave? Is there a challenge you just don’t think you can face? Do it, you’ve got it! If you don’t think so, drop me a line. <3

-D.Wright