Go ahead and get your wine, there are no pictures...just gems. Ok, now that we’ve gotten that out the way, let’s go!

If you’re in the corporate world it’s likely performance review time or you’ve just received feedback from your manager. To those of you not familiar with performance reviews, it’s make or break time for your job title and…mooonnniiieeesss. Sometimes you get raises, sometimes you get promotions, sometimes you get the whole shabang. It’s a time where you literally can position yourself to get ahead. I just had mine -the first successful one in my entire professional life- and it taught me a huge lesson about my true potential and self-worth.

Here’s the long story, short. I moved into the corporate side of my company two years ago and left it all to head from Houston to Silicon Valley. I advocated for myself when I first heard I got the gig, but do keep in mind there were other cool opportunities on the table and a mentor in my ear. Me trying to negotiate when I was already in the system of this major company, and moving up, was definitely a challenge though. I anticipated push back, because that’s what companies do- they push back for a variety of financial reasons…but I had to ask. Shoot, it’s what the men in my life do- they apply, make their demands, and see what sticks. So I tried it, I asked. I was nervous but I felt motivated by the sky-rocketing rent prices I saw online and by the ridiculous cost of living I had become familiar with during my previous stay in SoCal (California-speak for Southern California). I felt like I came with an extremely unique set of skills/experience and a lot to offer. I couldn’t let rent be an issue for me in a new state because I knew would have hopped on the first flight home if it were.

Fortunately I had a wonderful manager, a woman of color, who took my request seriously and advocated for me when I first got on. It was then that I received my first corporate pay bump. Years prior, as a musician I never really felt empowered to ask for what I wanted or felt I deserved for performing and writing. At that time in my life we were all young and bartering, and just trying to figure it out. So I came with a bit of empowerment-baggage there. This was what I carried into Corporate America, so this small win was monumental for me.

Fast forward into 2020…I had three different managers in the time span of November 2019-January 2020 (my first manager left and long story don’t ask LOL #stillbitter #pleasecomeback). But I knew I was in desperate need of my promotion and raise for all the amazing projects I’d been a part of and work that I had done. And here’s fun little nugget, my 3rd manager came with an org shift. I literally moved teams and now had to try and convince a new manager and organization that I deserved a promotion and a raise. They didn’t know me, but I didn’t care. They were going to get to know me and in the wise words of philosopher Robyn Rihanna Fenty “Bih betta have my money!” It was time, and I needed to put on my big-girl-pannies to receive the equitable compensation I absolutely knew I deserved. I promise you I’m not being Millennial about this, I was literally doing multiple roles. So, what did I do to get my coins…welp, here it goes:

I made a “deck”

At my company, if it isn’t in Keynote, it probably didn’t happen. That meant I needed to translate my wins into something digestible for my leaders. I used my running list of achievements and formatted a presentation that grew into a visual review of my year. It included KPIs, aka Key Performance Indicators, I knew were important to my role(s). I even included photos and presenter notes in case I wasn’t able to present my deck to the necessary folks live. Then I took my deck on tour lol…I literally presented it to anyone willing to listen, which leads me to my next point.

I campaigned for myself

I talked to my immediate team openly about the work I did- they backed me when it was time. I talked to my broader team about the work that I did- they backed me when it was time. I spoke with leaders that I worked with and other peers about my work and projects- they also backed me when it was time. I had finally let people know who I was and what I was about. By the time I was in my 4th month on my new team/in my new org, people had a pretty solid idea of who I was and what I was working on. There was no question or debate as to the impact my work had.

I managed up

I had bi-weekly meetings with my new manager and ALWAYS came with an agenda. If I learned one thing from my first manager, it was that I had to be clear and communicative about what I needed to be successful and what I was doing to drive results. I was transparent and intentional, and it was one of the best things I could have done. Every conversation I had with my leaders was structured and strategic so that there were no surprises about who I was as a professional, a creative, or team mate. By managing up, I wrote my own narrative. I didn’t leave any room for interpretation and it paid off…literally.

I went hard

I’m STILL going hard and what I’ve been telling my leaders is as continue to I do impactful work, I expect to be compensated and recognized fairly. I don’t know where my balls of steel came from, but I’ve become very intentional and downright frank when it comes to talking about my work and my money. I’m not shy about it anymore. I work really hard and I’ve seen so many people of color and women get passed over, and paid unfairly. There have been times in my life when I KNEW I was being unfairly paid. I didn’t have a model or a clue of where to begin advocating for myself but I realize it starts with undeniably amazing work. I don’t have the luxury of getting anything because my work is “good,” I have no choice but to present amazing work if I want anything. But in the same token, if we don’t feel we’re appreciated, we have every right to make a move. Just not during the pandemic though. Don’t quit your lil job talking about “DeAndre said if they don’t appreciate me, leave.” Girl, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying you don’t have to work anywhere for 20+ years while only making peanuts and getting passed over. Okay, off my soapbox.

I know every company is different and everyone won’t have the same experience as me. But I wanted to share this because I never thought I deserved to ask for what I wanted. It took a little bit of pre-work before I got comfortable, but my foundation was/is I wholeheartedly believe in fair and equitable pay, and in my work. I continuously research the average comp in my field and ask for what I think I deserve within that band of pay. And when I first became seriously interested in advocating for myself, I took time to learn my company’s culture around pay and how it worked for others. The biggest lesson I learned was identifying that moment, in my gut, when I was confident enough to ask. I had to feel this with my whole self. I, repeat, believed in my work with my whole entire self. I had the results to back my request up and I knew I couldn’t sit on that. I would have only done myself a disservice and set myself back financially for years.

Now, if you’re reading this and have negotiation tips to share- I’m sure other people would love to read them. Oh yeah, I almost forgot! Without going too deep, I received just about everything I asked for and it will be life-changing for me. Your girl is officially not struggling and I want you to win and thrive too! <3

-D. Wright

We’ve officially made it to month 8 of a global pandemic that no one saw coming, in a year that was supposed to be an epic kickoff to a fabulous decade. The irony is, it has been pretty epic…but for all the wrong reasons.

Instead of writing a depressing post dedicated to the sorrows of living in a time where we can’t hug our loved ones or endure breathing in the remnants of our daily meals through a mask— I’m going to write about what’s keeping me sane as a single person in isolation.

And a quick note: Because of the nature of what I do in tech, I can’t make any app recommendations to you all. But what I can do is encourage you to comb your respective app stores to find the best apps that work for what you need.

Spiritual

I know attending a place of worship has been a huge issue for many people of faith. I won’t say -as a Christian- I’m not struggling with it myself but I figured in this age of tech, God would be chill with me being safe, healthy, and getting my spiritual on in the confines of my home.

So I pray regularly and meditate. I use apps to keep me connected and occasionally, when my attention span is A-1, I even manage to attend good ole Bedside Baptist. The thing I’ve always understood is while I love the fellowship and sense of community, I have to get flexible with how it is I nurture that part of myself during these times.

Physical

Alright, so here is where I SUPER struggle. I love sleeping and just hanging. When I’m home, my body goes to either work or chill mode…But here we are. I had to do like everyone else and turn my living room into my gym. Since breathing in smoke from massive wild fires isn’t really an option for me- I turn on my Apple Tv, lay out my yoga mat, and work out between 30 minutes to an hour. I also try to drink at least three 26oz bottles of water starting when I wake up. I’ve also been taking vitamins from HUM (use my code: 1E6108 because it’s the right thing to do) and they’ve been pretty amazing. I take several daily and it helps with my energy and immune system.

Mental

And of course I can’t leave out mental health. I go to therapy regularly for hour sessions at least once a month. I try to stay off social media unless I’m sharing thoughts or my random commentary on whatever is happening out there, but other than that, surfing is DANGEROUS. Keep that part short, emote as much as you want and then take a break. I also limit my news intake as well. I watch for morning highlights and that’s a wrap unless there’s absolutely nothing else better to do with my life. Ok, and here’s something funny about me…I’m kinda an introvert. I know that’s weird but I’ve always been a little shy and awkward. And I don’t like talking to a lot of people when I retreat into my personal space…HOWEVER, I’ve gotten so much better about reaching out and FaceTiming my family and friends. I’ve made it a personal goal to at least talk to at least 3 people outside of work, a week (so that I’m not talking to my dog- that could get weird.). Then I try to call it a night by 10:30p so I can wake up and take on the world at…7a. Not really early but early enough for me, I’m not a 4am kinda chick. Speaking of getting to sleep. I work a lot, so maintaining work-life balance is highly important to me. If someone works my nerves at work. I leave it right there at 6pm or whenever I shut it down. I’m not stressing myself out over foolishness and I don’t want extra gray hair. Ok, ok- the last and most obvious thing I like to do to take care of my mental is :drumroll please: writing! I try to write as much as I can to release my thoughts.

Other ways to treat yo-self

Now of course there’s so much more to do to unwind like retail therapy, a nice dinner with a glass (or three) of wine, movie marathons, reading a book while listening to your fave album, cooking a nice meal, or taking a cuddle break with you lovable pup pal. However you decide to take care of yourself, the idea is it shouldn’t add more stress to your life. It should make you feel more relaxed and less overwhelmed.

So you’ve heard some of my self-care hacks for keeping sane during these crazy times. My self-care routines and tips are specific to my needs because true self-care varies for us all. I would love to hear yours! Tell me what your self-care go-to’s are during quarantine. <3

-D. Wright

It’s that lovely time of year when I either freak out on getting older and assess everything I did or didn’t accomplish over the last year orrrrrrrr sit in a space of immense gratitude for just being alive, living the amazing life I have. This year I choose gratitude. And I’m gonna do my best to keep this feeling with me for the rest of my life.

I’ll try to keep this short (but y’all know me LOL). Today, I’m dirty-THURTY-six. YES honey…36, and when I tell y’all I’m grown a grown freaggin woman, I mean every bit of it! The crazy thing is how much I love being in my 30s and having the freedom of mind and spirit that I’ve gained over the last 6 years of my life.

I didn’t always have that appreciation. When I turned 30, I had a literal nervous break down- remind me to tell y’all about that mess another day. Everything was happening all at once, and I felt like my life was falling a part. Music wasn’t where I wanted it to be, my finances, my love life, my lil heart was just going through it…but my faith and my family, and wonderful friends lifted me up and rallied for me at a dark time I never saw ending. So today, I’m saying cheers to my-effin’-self for being a strong, big-hearted, talented, crazy, fun woman in a time when age isn’t celebrated and the wisdom that comes with it isn’t always appreciated. I’m so glad to be here, just where I am.

Now here it is…everyone always starts asking these crazy questions. I don’t have a secret husband or kids, and maybe one day that will all come to me but I do have an adorable little dog I adore, the most loyal family who loves me, beautiful friends who never falter, an amazing job that allows me to do creative and impactful work that affects lives all the world and me. I have me. And I will live every day of my life reminding myself that internal/external ageism, negative self-talk, doubt, fear, and toxicity no longer serve me or have a place in my life.

I’m letting it burn and today -as far as I’m concerned- is my new year celebration. I’m breaking down walls and it’s scary to share with you all but I have to. I have to be myself. I can’t hide anymore.

So tell me— have you ever weighed yourself down with things that just make no real sense? If you have, what are you willing to finally let go? It’s time friends. It’s time. Cheers to us. <3

-D.Wright

Today I had a good cry.

The truth is I don’t feel safe or protected as a Black person, or woman.

Every day of my life I’m aware of my perceived inferior birthright. And each year, it pierces me a little bit deeper. I become more sensitive to it and it painfully eats away at my heart. Being Black and female is one of the highest taxes to pay in this country. Out the womb, I couldn’t hide…we can’t hide. When I became conscious of who I was, I almost immediately knew I was doomed to deal with a lifetime of B.S. I absolutely couldn’t help because of how others naturally perceived me.

Truthfully, I feel disposable. Now here is the crazy part…I know I’m strong, and powerful, smart, resilient, gifted and yet here I sit with broken self-esteem that only improves when I accomplish a thing. How many of us feel like we have to accomplish a thing just to be worthy? My therapist swears this is the recipe for a disastrous burnout and I agree. But the pressure is on because in the back of my mind I know that I, We, Black women are expendable in this society and we have to act to belong. We have to do things to be valued. We have to prove ourselves to be deemed worthy. I’ve heard this sentiment expressed in variety of ways from many women, I just never realized what it was. We’re stepping stones to our men, the unhealthy crutches for our families, the overworked and under-appreciated-slash-paid at our jobs. Fetishized, over-sexualized, and drained of our sensuality and joy until we have nothing left to give. Then we’re passed on when we’ve given…everything. We’re left feeling useless and wondering “why.” So I cried for us today.

I cried, because I wish people knew just how awesome we were. I wish we didn’t have to fight to be thought of as more than 3/5’s of a human, or smart, capable, and not just some aggressive Black b**tches or “whores” that are ran through and emptied. I cried because Black women are phenomenal even through brokenness and the only folks that cry for us, are…us.

The media has repeatedly perpetuated the stereotype of us with trash behavior, gold digging tendencies, and as people who hate and fight one another but I haven’t experienced it in my life that way. I do acknowledge that negativity exists and stereotypes stem from real places, however there are so many of us who lift one another up. The people I feel who most love and protect me are Black women. We are our “for better, or for worse.”

And I cried because the Black women I know are dynamic and beautiful. We are not perfect and we have shortcomings just as everyone else, but we are forgotten. Who is the ally to a Black woman in America? Who invests back into us? Who doesn’t take from us emotionally, physically, or culturally without giving back? Who comes back to say “thank you” for what we’ve contributed, for the leadership we’ve provided, and for the life we breathe into this world? Who celebrates Queens? Other Queens.

My therapist told me I was grieving today. I didn’t even know my emotional shutdown was to protect me from how I truly feel…alone, unless surrounded by the love of Black women. Again I say, we are our for better or for worse—we are each other’s keepers.

Forget the Will and Jada drama. Breonna Taylor deserves better. Black women deserve better. Underrepresented people deserve better. And if you are a Black woman reading this- know that you are loved, you are appreciated, and you are everything.

With Love,

Your sister, cousin, friend <3

-D.Wright

It’s March 2020, and just wow.

There has been so much tragedy and terrible stuff in our world– between Kobe and Gianna’s deaths, the president (and his entire being), America’s pending elections/the political climate, wildfires, and now Coronavirus. Our lives feel like something made for a disaster movie, and many of us are trying not to be overwhelmed with sadness, anxiety, or depression.

I haven’t known what to really say over the past couple months, but I wanted to acknowledge the state of the times before transitioning into the other topics I had in mind. When I started this blog I wanted it to be a place where you could come and experience the different facets of my personality as well as learn a little bit about the world I see. Since the world I see is a bit in shambles, I had to check myself and regroup on my perspective.

I’ll start with

My heart goes out to everyone going through it right now.

Award shows, sporting events, and TikTok challenges are cool and all but we’re all out here going through the real deal. We’re coping with some pretty tragic public and personal events–and while I know everything will be ok eventually, it doesn’t feel like it will get better any time soon. I’m working on accepting our new reality, leaning on my faith, and embracing that we truly need each other now– more than ever.

Don’t forget

A word to the wise…don’t forget to take care of you. Unplug from this madness every once in a while. I know I’ve been working so hard check my attitude in the online comment sections because sometimes I just want to to go full fledged Wreck It Ralph, but I know it doesn’t solve anything. Being an angry Smurf only adds to the crazy, so your girl has to simply disconnect from the swirl and reconnect to what matters…and that’s this here spirit.

Happiness is

Remember that happiness is forever in a state of flux, but we can all attain it. What I’m working at in my life is having authentic joy and peace. Understand, it’s definitely a challenge…the road to happy is NOT easy but I want to live a life that I know I’ve enjoyed through all of the ups and downs. I don’t want my lows to take me out the game and I don’t want my highs to ever make me forget what I’ve been through.

Right now, we’re going though a weird low and I know I refuse to personally wallow in it for long. I’m finding things that lift my spirits like writing more, tipsy Neflix time with my pup, and Dj D Nice Club Quarantine dance parties. And I’ve got so many cool stories to share too, but for now I just want to feel how I feel–weird and unsettled. I can’t pretend to be completely celebratory when the reality happening around us seems so merciless.

Anywho…Hope you all are well and I’ll drop some goodies soon. <3

-D.Wright