Let’s be honest, I’ve been awkward my whole life. I’ve laughed at the wrong time, floated off in conversation, tried to slink away while chatting, misspoke with like some odd fact or joke, and all kinds of other hilariously dumb things. I’ve done a pretty solid job at managing that part of myself, but now I’m facing a new challenge. Over the last few months, I’ve been doing a lot of really cool stuff, and one thing I’ve been struggling with is showing up completely and authentically in these fabulous newfound situations and just…showing up confidently. This might sound like a humble brag but please understand, when you’re naturally awkward, life can get weird real quick.

It doesn’t help that the people I’ve met over the last few months, I feel, are completely out of my league. They’re accomplished, ridiculously educated, influential, powerful and in many ways STOOPID wealthy. In conversation I find myself staring over their heads (or at their nose) and asking, what do I have to offer here? I know I should feel confident in the moment because at the very least, I’m well-dressed and have a cool role I can speak on. But yeaahhhh, that still doesn’t stop me from feeling all insecure high-schooler or like an outsider.

Am I crazy? Do you ever think about any of this stuff when you’re around “important” people? What do I have to offer? It rings like a church bell in my subconscious, but now I’ve been forcing myself to do a gut check. Smart– check. Amazing dad jokes– double check. A pretty interesting background– triple check. Ding ding dingggggg, I’ve got a lil sumn sumn to work with here!

It’s hard to believe channeling self-confidence can be such a challenge in the moment, but it is. Imposter’s syndrome is live and well in these streets folks but I refuse to let it take me out the game. And no more yelling “RETREAT, RETREAT!” or suffering from word vomit when people are simply trying to have casual conversation. I am aggressively working to just be. How? By slowing down, doing my gut check, and practicing these 5 things I picked up between my therapist and my mentor:

1. Take a deep breath.

2. Straighten your posture.

3. Pause to think before you respond.

4. Try to recall something you’re proud of yourself about. (You’re validating yourself here.)

5. If you get really nervous…excuse yourself to a quiet space to breathe a bit and gather your thoughts.

This all might sound a bit goofy, but social anxiety is real and manifests differently for people–especially if you feel weighed down by expectations from others. Getting more comfortable in your skin and confident takes work, but it’s well worth it. I’m finally starting to get a glimpse of the other side and it’s absolutely liberating.

Have any of you dealt with social anxiety, imposter syndrome, or even just being plain awkward? How do you deal? <3

-D.Wright

Wow…We’ve officially exited the 2010s and have entered an entirely new decade! Let me tell y’all– it feels so good to be an adult, thriving, and ready to conquer the rest of my real-adult life. It only took ten tumultuous years to figure it out, but you know what…I’m out of the fog and not planning on making the same mistakes thrice.

So what happened?

In the early 2010s I pretty much quit doing music, formally. I never stopped writing or creating work but let’s just say the whys are complicated and a tad messy. Eventually I waded through trying to figure out how to launch my career but I just didn’t have the heart or perseverance to truly make it happen. I gave up, but this is also the time I started working in a certain store (basically for medical insurance and a steady check) and that decision would ultimately change my life. Oh yeah, I got my first new car and said #byebye91camaro.

In the mid-2010s love started to take me out…and I started going to therapy. Ok love isn’t solely why I went to therapy but there was a lot going on in all areas of my life. It wore my entire existence down and I don’t even know how to completely dive in on this one without getting too deep, maybe I will one day, but I changed (not in the best way either). I was unsure of myself and honestly didn’t know what I wanted out of love, life, or anyone for that matter. I was afraid to ask for anything I felt I deserved. Love (or the thought I had of love) literally beat me down into submission. It wasn’t all sad though, the best parts of the mid-2010s were embracing my natural curls, taking my first trip to Europe, hitting 30, and basically learning some really solid lessons on relationships in romance, family, business…well shoot, in general.

In the late 2010s I became Grown-AF and pretty much said “eff it, take a chance on yourself girl“. You can call this my breaking out phase. This is when things began to get clear. I moved to California after a lifetime in Texas, took a new job as a professional writer (thus the move to Cali), committed to lead a really cool ERG (employee resource group) within my company, started traveling more, got the most adorable puppy on Earth, finally discovered myself, and realized– I liked me.

So what next?

Basically I learned the lessons and sewed, now I figure I’d dedicate the next 10 years to taking action and reaping the harvest. Might as well change it up right? So here’s what I think I’ll be working through…and you can all count yourselves as my accountability buddies to help me make it through this new exciting time in our lives.

1. Getting more creative and sharing my work.

Though I thought the 2010s would be the quick start and end of my musical aspirations, I realized who I was and why I did music in the first place. I can’t stop creating. It literally makes me sick not to do what I love so I’m going to give it a go in The Bay. I’m going to continue to create because it’s in my nature and if I decide I want to make a living off of it, I’ll do what it takes to make it happen. I’m also going to keep writing on my blog (I promise) and launch my podcast because I feel like I have some solid insight to offer to the world. It’s time.

2. Getting more intentional about love.

I am going to better guard my heart and not take the people who I love/love me for granted. I’m a hopeless romantic and a super sensitive soul– I pretty much wear my heart on my skin. I’ve also tragically lost a handful of people in my life and I know that I’m not exempt from mortality so I’m going to choose to do better about giving myself more to the folks I love. I’m going to love like my life depends on it and also make sure to honor what I desire romantically. I love love and I won’t be a cheeseball about it any more. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, so loving unashamedly is definitely on my to-do list.

3. Letting the sky be my only limit.

I will go and do whatever I dream to do. I know I can. I’ve lied to myself and said that I couldn’t before but that was out of fear, and I won’t punish myself with the restrictions of reality or my own self-made limitations. If it happens, awesome…and if doors close or windows shut, I’ll find new entries to make it to outer space.

Do note that these are my Big 3. I definitely have some other goals in mind like eating better/cooking more, working harder on my spirituality, traveling, and all that jazz but these were the most neglected so I’ve got to fix them stat. Anywho, what about you…What are your goals this year? What do you want to harvest? And oh yeah, Happy New Year friends! <3

2019

-D.Wright

It’s effin 2019, Black History Month has had it’s moment, and now here we are in March.

Let that marinate people…MARCH!!!

I can hardly believe it and yessss I know it’s been a hot minute since I last dropped a line but let me tell you, life has been nuts. I can’t complain but it’s been quite different from anything I’ve ever experienced.

I’ve been doing so much that by the end of the week, I’m generally left wondering where the time has gone, where to even begin restarting my creative work and how to maintain consistency. I thought I’d be doing all the things since I don’t have many distractions here. Shoot, I even thought I was going to be writing you people like 3 times a week, but then life was like NOPE…#NewJobNewYou girl. So I stopped trying to force what didn’t feel natural and I surrendered to being present in my experience here.

As you can imagine, it’s been a major adjustment, picking up and moving to Cali from Texas. And I honestly think I’ll feel more settled after this first year is up but at least I can say I’m getting used to my new gig, and raising my adorable puppy Cookie the CEO (named after Tim Cook). Yes it’s a funny story on how I selected his name, we’ll talk about it later. Anywho, this white little floofball has managed to take up the free time I thought I had so now life is even more full. As we speak, he’s spread all of his toys across my living room and has literally taken over. When I move, he moves. When he sneezes, it’s usually in my face. When I’m not keeping a close eye on him, he’s either making something a fire hydrant or into who knows what. I don’t have a life anymore. I might even be telling people I’m a single Black mother in Silicon Valley at this point. They totally know I’m joking btw…Well, hopefully.

Ok, what else can I think…Oh! I made two trips down to Houston in November and December last year for my cousin’s wedding and then for the holiday break. Let’s first start off with how amazing it was to have a proper break. Geez I didn’t know what I was missing! It was definitely a nice change up, going back home, but definitely interesting staying there after being in California for a bit. Of course I loved being with my family and friends but I realized there was absolutely nothing left for me outside of my familial life. I tried EVERYTHING in Texas and nothing really stuck for me. I did music, was on the scene, went to the best places, dated the most interesting people, had the BEST of friends but I never really built the way I knew I could. By the end of the trip, I realized it was time for a change, and that’s why I left for California. I had to take a leap of faith, now look at me…new city, new job, new life–new outlook.

Anywho, all is well and I have so much stuff to share. In the mean time, here is a blip of my life from around October to February, presented to you wonderful people in “thumbnails” until I can figure out this whole updated blog platform lol! Talk soon. <3

-D. Wright

So…I’m officially settled into California.

Well, I won’t take on a California ID quite yet but I’m here and there’s no turning back. I’ve finally come to terms with it.

I did this to myself.

For years, I had been annoyingly declarative and telling folks I was going to live in California. I thought it would be LA but the Big Guy pretty much said otherwise. 

When I stepped off the plane, I just knew my life would be different from that day forward. Houston would be my forever-home but the world would become the place I’d lay my head.

I’m proud to say (again) I’m a full-time writer for a extremely popular technology company in Silicon Valley.

I’m excited, I’m nervous, I’m proud. My life is completely insane.

I remember when everyone, including my parents, thought the only route for a Creative Writing degree major would be in education at best. Everyone thought I clearly had lost the last piece of good common sense God gave me. Now look, while I absolutely love and respect teachers, I wanted more beyond the classroom. I wanted the world. No one could see how a person like me could shoot for the world with a less serious title from a non-prestigious univeristy. They couldn’t see it. I could barely see it to be honest. I desired a path that would allow me to be impactful and creative, that’s all I really knew. I fought as a songwriter, I fought as an intern, as a temp, as an admin, and as a retail employee to dream for more. I wanted more. I’ve always wanted more.

Giving up was not an option.

So here I am after climbing and struggling, and climbing and praying, and sinking and climbing. I somehow became a full-time professional creative with insurance, benefits, 401K, and stock in a world of people who look nothing like me. Yes…The girl from Homestead, Houston Texas has stock options. And I’m not wealthy by ANY means, believe me #theseCalitaxes. I’m sure I’ll get there though because I’m definitely working on it and I know it will be a journey. I’m just excited to finally get somewhere in life with my voice and that’s probably one of the most fulfilling things out of this whole adventure…The world gets to hear me and sometimes, they don’t even know it.

I think I mentioned it before that I hadn’t been posting because it took me a little bit of time to move, get settled and gather myself. I had to come to terms with my new life, or at least my life for now, and that there was no turning back. I’m still telling myself, everyday, that there is no going back. I left my family, friends, love and all that to find me. It’s already happening quicker than I could have even imagined.

Have faith in yourself.

I’ve promised myself to be brave. I mean, adults get scared and lonely too. I vowed I would make it back to my beloved South when my assignment was done because I clearly have things to do in the world.

Shoot, in less than 6 months, I’ve worked on national campaigns with my new team, released an EP, met some unexpectedly amazing people, celebrated my birthday, and all kinds of other glorious randomness. I guess I can afford to keep the party going for a bit.

When have you had to be brave? Is there a challenge you just don’t think you can face? Do it, you’ve got it! If you don’t think so, drop me a line. <3

-D.Wright

Stop, Grammy-time… (Forgive me for the long pauses, I’ve been so stupid busy.)

Day 3 – The Call

On day 3, I woke up earlier than I expected after a long night out galavanting all over the town, and I’m so glad I did because this is the morning I received that fateful call. “Hello, is this DeAndre Wright?” “Yessssssssss, who’s calling?” “This is Blankitty-Blank with the Recording Academy and we saw your request for a ticket since you emailed that you were in the New York area. Still interested?” “OH MY GOSH! Uh yesssssssss.” Blur blur blur. Yada yada yada. “Alrighty, well your ticket for both the ceremony and show have been confirmed and processed. Can you come in today to pick up your ticket at bippity-boppity-boo?” “Yes! I’ll be there within the hour!”

And just like that, I was set to go to my first awards show, the 60th Grammy Awards in Madison Square Gardens. I don’t even think I believed it. I was in shock. It’s been weeks since that call and I’m still in shock. At the time, I didn’t even think it was real life. Like how could my random waitlist inquiry turn into a whole ticket? I don’t know, but it did. I made a few calls, squealed a bit, threw on my best fabulously-casual ensemble and headed out to pick up my tickets.

It was crazy. During my walk, I was stopped by a random lady who asked me if I knew a rapper named Montana who just left some nearby nice-store on a shopping spree. Took me a few minutes to realize she meant French Montana and that I was absolutely headed in the right direction.

So I made it to the ticket pick up location and I’ll spare you the details but as I walked out, I almost scored red carpet credentials (by accident). Drunk off excitement, I practically powerwalked back to my hotel room as I talked to my mom and stepdad about my adventure. I laid my tickets on the bed and sat in disbelief. It was all too good to be true.

After hiding my tickets in in the room (yes, I sure did), I got ready for my next hoorah. It was time to meet New York extraordinaire, the Ms. Sara Katherine Runnels.  I’ve known Sara since the 6th grade and in my adult life, she’s become a kindred spirit full of ambition (mixed with a healthy dose of shenanigans). Sara wanted to take me somewhere “Instagram-worthy” and we ended up here –at Magic Hour Rooftop Bar & Lounge.

We talked, ate and drank champagne for hours while looking at the Empire State Building as our backdrop. It was fabulous. I felt just like Mariah Carey on MTV Cribs. All I needed was a bathtub…but real life, it was amazing. Then she took me to Little Italy where we bar hopped our way over to Chinatown and later met with my college friend Darrel. I felt like I fit right in. I was a New Yorker. Thanks Sara and Darrel.

Day 4 – The Dress

Sunday, I woke up early again. How? I don’t know. My body hated me but I made it up and got a call from my friend who wasn’t able to make the trip. In all of her PR-marketing wizardry, the chick scored me a dress with a new designer from New York and demanded me to be at my fitting in less than an hour. This was on Grammy Day y’all. I was like are you kidding me?! I barely had pulled my life together but I trekked my way to 5th Avenue and went upstairs to this beautiful studio full of glamour goodies. I was in heaven. Thank you Gracy Accad!

After dropping the dress off at my hotel, I had to grab food and hit a couple shops to finish my look. My friend Darrel (from the night before) was nice enough to meet with me for lunch and show me around the city a little more before my big night. We even got to walk through Central Park, it was beautiful and I can’t wait to go back when it’s green.

So I get back to the room again, with everything I needed and there I am with this fabulous dress panicking over my new look. It took me about an hour or so to do my makeup and then my buddy from Houston (Christopher Allen) did an impromptu photo shoot with me in my room and in the lobby of the hotel. As you might imagine, people were utterly confused. I didn’t care though, I felt like a Grammy nominee and I was low-key kicking myself for letting those Red Carpet credentials slip through my fingers.

After the drama of getting to the show in my Uber (there were shut down streets and traffic on the sidewalks leading into the venue), I finally made it. It was glorious. There was a sea of gowns and tuxes, faces I recognized from past associations and a slew of beautiful people. Mama I made it! I’m not rich but I sure did feel it.

I hiked to my seats in 5-inch heel, took in the view and started making new friends out of my neighbors before hearing from behind me “DeAndre?” I’m like, who at the Grammys knows me? It was my buddy Huy, a former A&R I met during my music label interning days. Then I ran into another friend of mine who was actually working the show so, naturally, we caught up and snapped pictures between the breaks.

The 60th Grammy Awards in Madison Square Garden

Now here’s the good stuff. I saw e’rrbody. I mean e’rrybody! I saw them scramble to their seats and get yelled at by a real-life Siri demanding everyone to sit back down before going live. I saw the stages get loaded with talent before they performed. I saw it all. I saw folks like Kendrick Lamar, Bono, Elton John, Lady Gaga, Cardi B, Bruno Mars, Rihanna, Sting perform. I just couldn’t believe my eyes or ears. People I would never have seen anywhere else were now in the same room with me being honored for their musical greatness. It was absolutely inspiring, then it was all over and time to party.

I headed over to the official afterparty and like everywhere else, fought traffic to even get in the room. And yes, it was as grand as you might imagine. There were floors of entertainment. There were endless drinks and so much food. There were ice sculptures, bars, lifesized floral arrangements and so many people everywhere. My brain was on overload. It didn’t stop me from eating, socializing, twirling, or dancing all over the place though. After doing the absolute most with a couple folks I happened to know, I saw some more celebrity-types and went back to my room. Cinderella’s lil carriage turned back into a pumpkin and the night was done. It was 4 am.

Nile Rodgers at the Official Grammy Afterparty

Day 5 – Pinch Me

My early flight couldn’t bring me off of my high. I made my flight without a hitch and returned home completely dumbfounded by the week I had just experienced. I went from being fearful to letting go and adventuring all over a place I thought I’d never come to love. I met so many people and had such a wonderful time. I felt it couldn’t have possibly been my life. I could barely sleep though I clearly didn’t while on my vacation.

Just Believe

I asked God how a girl like me, who came from the “hoods” of the north side of Houston, Texas could be so blessed to experience the things I have. How could someone like me be plopped into the most unbelievable situations? I don’t get what He’s doing up there but I figure it’s just a preview of the main event.

I haven’t stopped reflecting since then and what I realized was faith only works when you actually have it. I took a leap of faith and found it to be one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done in my life. Just remember friends – if you don’t have faith, you will never believe the impossible can absolutely become possible for yourself. And I’ll tell you what, I’m gonna keep living in this New York state of mind. <3

-D.Wright